JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #461.70!

Noisettes - Three Moods Of The Noisettes (Low Altitude) :: Their rip-roarin' vocals are faster than the Pointer Sisters on speed, and their band is more muscular than a Mr. Olympia posedown.

Blue October - Foiled (Universal) :: What radical new record will make your soul ache with heartfelt passion? Rats, Foiled. What ambitious new album will make you remember why you like literate rock? Darn, Foiled. What dramatic new disc takes the prog rock spirit of Peter Gabriel's Genesis and admirably modernizes it into the future? Curses, Foiled again.

Matt Costa - Songs We Sing (Brushfire) :: This singer-songwriter hooked me by sounding like the second coming of gentle acoustic Donovan ("Astair"), but when he switched to hard rockin' electric Donovan ("Sweet Thursday") he reeled me in. You'll be landed and left breathless when you hear him too.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Big 10-4 - Big 10-4 (Universal) :: "Well, I'm the one they call the walking disaster" is a kind of heartfelt lyric that instantly grabs my attention much in the same way that almost being smearcased on the sidewalk by a falling piano does. The vocals are tough yet passionate, the guitars jangle like sheet metal lightning, and the drums thunder with enough ten pin power to make Henry Hudson proud. And while I'd never be snooty enough to say that I've heard the future of rock 'n' roll, I would advise Bruce Springsteen to roll over and tell the E Street Band the news.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #460.68!

Hawthorne Heights - If Only You Were Lonely (Victory) :: If only I were deaf.

Measles Mumps Rubella - Fantastic Success (Doubling Cube) :: What do you get when you cross Pere Ubu with Talking Heads? An infectious new strain on your ears!

Waterdown - All Riot (Victory) :: There's a message inside that says to stay home and read a book. I tried that, but the buffeting F5 metasonic sound waves coming out of the speakers while I played this primo Van Halen meets screamo album kept shredding the pages so I watched some senior citizen porn instead.

From Fiction - Bloodwork (Last Gang) :: Hi, my name is Steve Albini and I'm your producer. Today's special is a theatrical singer garnished by a band with a primitive progressive garage sound. Can I get you something to drink first?

The Autumn Offering - Revelations Of The Unsung (Victory) :: Unsung is right 'cause these growling guttural vocals almost get pummeled under the weight of the brutal bludgeoning beats that TAO--geddit?--promulgates. And if you don't know what that last word means, then this album is definitely for you.

Greatdayforup - Flores De Sangre (Small Stone) :: Heavy double time tunes that'll remind you of Ted Nugent at his most manically possessed, with a side order of Kyuss and Cult.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Action Action - An Army Of Shapes Between Wars (Victory) :: Smart and stylish, this is Dépêche Duran power pop art rock at its soaring synthesized best. Each and every track will have you fondly reliving glam's last lush gasp from the glory days of the '80s. And since I utterly loathed the '80s you can trust me not to steer you wrong on this one.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #459.63!

Bill Charlap & Sandy Stewart - Love Is Here To Stay (Blue Note) :: Sparse solo piano and sultry chanteuse singing that'll transform your dire digs into a smoky nightclub circa 1957. Ashtray and coaster not included.

Circa Survive - Juturna (Equal Vision) :: Swirling spastic spin-dizzy songs that'll haunt your hovel for hours. Gravol and Imitrex not included.

Death From Above 1979 - Romance Bloody Romance: Remixes And B Sides (Last Gang) :: Nothing like releasing a fast-buck career-stalling remix album that exposes how paper-thin your abrasive retardo-distorto-techno NIN shtick really is. Originality and... Aw, fergeddit.

Man Man - Six Demon Bag (Ace Fu) :: Remember that drag musical in Escape From New York? Well, so does this Tom Waits meets Frank Zappa band.

New York Dolls - Too Little Too Late (Roadrunner) :: Just kidding. I hope.

The Perms - Better Days (Hugtight) :: A power-pop band with a horny horn section and leering lead singers who sound like Leon Russell and Randy Newman is a great idea whose time has come today.

Sonic Syndicate - Eden Fire (Nettwerk) :: Now here's something new: rock songs based on the book of Revelations.

The Beatles - "Revolution 9" (Apple) :: Something New, geddit?

The Beatles - "Helter Skelter" (Apple) :: They invented screamo, too.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Beatles - The Beatles (Apple) :: This murky mishmash is a sunken slice of seismic miasma that begins with a Beach Boys parody ("Back In The USSR") and penultimates with the above-noted nine minute John Cage meets William S. Burroughs tape collage before tucking you in at the end with a sincere children's lullaby ("Good Night"). If you really wanna know why it's called The White Album, next time focus on its latent spirituality.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #458.61!

 James Frey - A Million Little Pieces (Doubleday) :: He who makes a liar out of himself gets rid of the burden of being honest. Indeed. Which means we'll never get to see an Oprah's Book Club sticker on the cover of the 45th anniversary edition of Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, eh?

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson - 1937-2005 (R.I.P.) :: Has it been ten years already? 

Glamour Puss - Bluesman's Prayer (Northern Blues) :: The opening track is a bald-faced rewrite of "The Weight," which pretty much explains why these Pussies sound just like The Band. 

Journey - Generations (Sanctuary) :: If you use only one glossy prog rock album to test drive your next pair of high-end speakers, make it this one. 

Melissa O'Neil - Melissa O'Neil (Sony BMG) :: Wherein the generic winner of Canadian Idol uses her generic voice to record a generic album guaranteed to generate genuine generic apathy.

Rex Goudie - Under The Lights (Sony BMG) :: So does the generic runner-up. 

Güajiro - Güajiro (Achala) :: Punk bands are a ripe dime a dozen, but a punk band that sounds like they're straight outta 1976? Now that's what I call speaking my language! 

Watermelon Slim & The Workers - Watermelon Slim & The Workers (Northern Blues) :: Crust-laden smut-soaked Tijuana Bible Belt blues ejerkulated out by a stain-shootin' cranky old wank that'll have you itchin' for a hot Clorox shower. 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson (Margaritaville) :: You can thank Jimmy Buffett for this ace audio adaptation, which features the voices of Harry Dean Stanton, Maury Chaykin, Jim Jarmusch, Dan Castellaneta, Buck Henry, Laraine Newman, Harry Shearer and, yes, even Raoul Duke himself. Indeed.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #457.59!

Disney - Pixar ($teve Jobs) :: Walt would've loved the new digital animation technology, but he would've hated that his own animators couldn't master it.

Deerhoof - The Runners Four (Kill Rock Stars) :: They're still as demented as ever and that's good. They're also beginning to remind me of Yoko Ono and that's bad.

D.O.A. - War On 45 (Sudden Death) :: What are these naïve America-bashing Canadian kids good for? Absolutely nothing.

Young Canadians - No Escape (Sudden Death) :: What are these Canadian power pop punks good for? Absolutely something, play it again.

Fenix Tx - Purple Reign In Blood (Adrenaline) :: With a witty album title like that I was hoping to hear an album of Prince Slayer tunes not a raucous remake of CCR's "Fortunate Son."

The WB - UPN (The CW) :: I knew the WB was in trouble when they chose Michigan J. Frog as their logo mascot instead of Marvin Martian. 

Raul Midon - State Of Mind (Manhattan) :: What do I call a guy who sings like Stevie Wonder and actually has Old Blind Eyes hisself playing harp on a track? I call him mellow, fellow.

Donovan - Greatest Hits (Epic) :: Unlike Donno who had Led Zeppelin and the Jeff Beck Group backing him.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Anoushka Shankar - Rise (Angel) :: And speaking of Led Zep, if you've worn out your vinyl copies of "Kashmir" and "In The Evening" now's the time to upgrade to the real thing. 

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #456.58!

Cab Calloway - Minnie The Moocher And Me (Crowell) :: The Professor of Swingformation could teach all the crude dudes a thing or two about being cool. How cool? Cool enough to play poker with Steve McQueen and Edward G. Robinson in The Cincinnati Kid, that's how cool.

Days Like These - Inventure (Lobster) :: Introspective angst at its prattling portentous best!

Dramarama - Everybody Dies (33rd Street) :: This Chris Carter-less wandering refried glam reunion sure ain't the Everyothers. Velvet Genesis, maybe.

Paulson - All At Once (One Day Savior) :: Singing so flat it makes Ellen Foley look like Pandora Peaks.

VooDoo Blue - Smile 'N Nod (DCide) :: Oh boy, almond Oy!

Trespassers William - Having (Nettwerk) :: Languid squid music that evokes Julee Cruise at her most ethereal.

Hella - Concentration Face/Homeboy (5rc) :: I like naked chicks on album covers, but Blind Faith and Electric Ladyland never gave me a primo screamo headache.

Harry Manx - Mantra For Madmen (Dog My Cat) :: The modern master of the mohan veena is back with another round of intelligent Indian blues that's well worth listening to.

Head Wound City - Head Wound City (Three.One.G) :: Seven shots in 10 minutes? Lee Harvey Oswald got off half that many in six seconds.

The Fully Down - Don't Get Lost In A Movement (Fearless) :: Introspective angst at its prattling portentous best!

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Fireball Ministry - Their Rock Is Not Our Rock (Liquor and Poker) :: Attention shoppers! Step this way for hard-rock mayhem just like your rummy old man used to get juiced and pass out to. Last year they were Black Sabbath. This year they're KISS. Who will they be next year? Angel? Starz?

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S ROCK ’N’ ROLL PHOTOGRAPHS

While you’re visiting, don’t forget to view the dozens of essential selections from my vast archive of hundreds of extremely rare and previously unseen rock ’n’ roll photographs from the 1970s and 1980s—all of which were taken by myself from my front row center seat at various venerable venues; vintage historical portraits which include the following rock stars caught in their youthful prime:

David Bowie (1976 Station To Station tour) :: Lou Reed (1974 Sally Can’t Dance tour) :: Iggy Pop (1977 The Idiot tour) :: Bob Dylan (1978 Street Legal tour) :: George Harrison (1974 Dark Horse tour) :: Paul McCartney (1976 Wings Over America tour) :: Pete Townshend (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Johnny Winter (1976 Captured Live! tour) :: Jeff Beck (1975 Blow By Blow tour) :: KISS (1977 Love Gun tour) :: Alice Cooper (1975 Welcome To My Nightmare tour) :: Freddie Mercury (1977 News Of The World tour) :: Amanda Lear (1975 Sweet Revenge tour) :: Rod Stewart (1977 Foot Loose & Fancy Free tour) :: Mick Jagger (1975 It’s Only Rock ’n Roll tour) :: New York Dolls (1975 Tokyo Dolls Live tour) :: Keith Richards (1975 It’s Only Rock ’n Roll tour) :: Ian Hunter (1989 YUI Orta tour) :: Elton John (1974 Caribou tour) :: Mick Ronson (1989 YUI Orta tour) :: Steven Tyler (1977 Draw The Line tour) :: Sparks (1975 Indiscreet tour) :: James Brown (1986 Gravity tour) :: Miles Davis (1985 You’re Under Arrest tour) :: Roger Daltrey (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Bruce Springsteen & Clarence Clemons (1975 Born To Run tour) :: John Entwistle (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Keith Moon (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: The Who (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: and more!

Ask any dealer and he’ll tell you that the best way to get someone hooked on your product is to give them a free sample, so here’s just a small taste of what’s coming your way when you click on the eleven gallery links to your left:

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #455.57!

Thine Eyes Bleed – In The Wake Of Separation (The End) :: Mine ears bleed.

Wolf Parade – Apologies To Queen Mary (Sub Pop) :: What if Bowie and Ronson had recorded Hunky Dory while stewed to the gills on a case of scotch?

The Dead Science – Frost Giant (Absolutely Kosher) :: Nasty canasta Mexicano melodies merged with woozy wasted wastrel wails.

Detonation – Portals To Uphobia (Osmose Productions) :: Prog metal? I dunno, but it’s amazing how palatable screamo vocals can be when they’re shored up by solid production and a relentless brace of burgeoning bludgeoning beats.

Aaron Lines – Waitin’ On The Wonderful (BMG) :: He may strike a Paddy Smiff meets Zimmer pose on the inner tray photo, but he sure sings like the sincere second coming of classic country.

Epoch Of Unlight – The Continuum Hypothesis (The End) :: Gosh, I miss The Obsessed.

Agents Of The Sun – Monarchs Of A Fallen Society (DCide) :: What at first blush appears to be the usual slapdash hodgepodge of generic angst pop is quickly quelled by the swirling dashes of Kirk Hammett guitar work.

ABSU – Mythological Occult Metal 1991-2001 (Osmose Productions) :: And then this compilation of feelth metal’s greatest grates and rarest wracks comes along to show everyone where it began and who to blame.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Chromelodeon – Heart Of Sawdust (Bloodlink) :: Any band that names itself after an obscure Harry Partch work gets my vote right off the bat—especially when they title their six songs an economically minimal “One” through “Six.” But when all six are prog rock instrumentals á la Nash The Slash, well, when I say I’m in love, you best believe I’m in love, l-u-v.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #454.56!

Styx – The Complete Wooden Nickel Recordings (Hip-O) :: File Under: Don’t Take Any.

Logh – A Sunset Panorama (Hydra Head) :: This quartet starts off with a koda intro and concludes with a primo screamo coda.

Metric – Live It Out (Last Gang) :: Girls ’n’ guitars will always be my number one fave rave and this edgy ethereal euro syntho sonic assault reminds me why, big time.

Honeyhander – Wooly Mannerisms (SAF) :: Smootho ’90s Duran Duran fused with distorto ’90s Marilyn Manson—and it works!

Seventeen Evergreen – Life Embarrasses Me On Planet Earth (Pacific Radio Fire) :: Leonard Cohen may be broke, but his influence lives on in this excellent album. Or is that Unca Lou?

Altamont – The Monkees’ Uncle (Ant Acid Audio) :: This band called Altamont is more fun than a front row seat at Dick James’ speedway so don’t be played for a dupe, stupe. Pool cue not included.

Hanner – No Guts, No Gravy (Unsound) :: Hanner is Johanna Wright and Johanna Wright is what Joan Baez would have sounded like if Joanie had been on the back of that bike without a helmet when Zimmer crashed—which is a very good thing indeed.

New England Roses – Face Time With Son (Dogg Pony) :: And this set of wonkie tunes would’ve been recorded if a helmetless Peter, Paul & Mary had been on the back, too.

Tera Melos – Tera Melos (Springman) :: Very adept stutter-steps that splatter all over the instrumental electro jazz bop canvas from here to Ornette.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Sharking – The Sharking (202 Lions) :: Get outta that cage and dig the ragged jagged beat, the pure pop pulse, the Costello vocals, and the Enossififed snake guitars!

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #453.55!

Vailcode – Vailcode (Times Beach) :: This lean and lanky new album by Motor City guitar legend slammin’ Sammy Vail is easily as thoughtful as Elliott Murphy at his “Diamonds By The Yard” best. And that’s definitely saying something.

Marcos Hernandez – C About Me (TVT) :: Y’know, back in 1986 they would’ve used “If You Were Mine” during one of Tubbs’ hot make-out scenes on Miami Vice.

The Pathways – Boat Of Confidence (RIYL) :: They set sail with a loose wandering intro before checking the chart and drifting into a Captain Sensible mode that I quite like.

God Dethroned – The Lair Of The White Worm (Metal Blade) :: I’m not too crazy about the band’s name, but that doesn’t stop me from digging their savage sound which, the guttural glotteral vocals aside, is about as close to classic double-time Metallica as you can find these days.

The Gunshy – Souls (Latest Flame) :: Head gunner Matt Arbogast gets nailed for aping Tom Waits so much, but that misses the whole point because he does it so well. When you do it as long and as well as he does, the purloined style eventually becomes all your own. And on this album, it finally does.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Baleen – Follow Me Blind (Liquilab) :: Now here’s one worth listening to that’s all over the audio map. It starts out being on some kind of soul trip only to swerve into a herky-jerky Angletrax vein, albeit a little more mellow and melodic. And since I know you don’t know who Angletrax are, don’t you be making the same mistake twice.

Be seeing you!

THE BEST OF JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #452!

Presented for your approval, in semi-strict alphabetical order so as not to show any undue payola favoritism, is Jeffrey Morgan’s 2014 Top Ten List Of Records as they appear on my official ballot for this year’s Village Voice rock critics poll, which I’ve been voting in annually ever since Robert Christgau was kind enough to give me the nod five decades ago. In other words, and I’ve got a million of ’em, these are my Sizzling Platters Of The Year, all of which deserve repeated spins on your Victrola.

01 :: The 24th Street Wailers – Wicked (self released) :: Four on the floor supercharged rock ’n’ roll? Fused with the power of the blues? The greatest liner notes you’ll read this year? Boy howdy!

02 :: Backhand – Through The Turbulence (Melodic Revolution) :: Tune in and turn on as this trippy synth-soaked progressive rock experiment takes you out of your head and then some.

03 :: The Empty Hearts – The Empty Hearts (429 Records) :: Exuberant old style rockin’ power pop that’ll have you feeling young’r than you’ve ever been.

04 :: Jimmy Greene – Beautiful Life (Mack Avenue) :: Not since John Coltrane’s latter day discs of inner discovery has there been such a heartfelt spiritual saxophonic display of enlightening audible luminosity that’s guaranteed to infuse your heart with hope.

05 :: The Jerry Cans – “Aakuluk” (Boycott Northmart Records) :: They state that their sound is a “unique mix of Inuktitut country swing, throat singing, and reggae” so who am I to say nay when this exulting album excels at being one of the greatest avant toe tappers I’ve heard in decades. Were this 1976, they’d be on Island produced by Eno.

06 :: Martha Johnson – Solo ● One (Muffin Music) :: You know Martha as the voice of the Muffins, most memorably on their “Echo Beach” single, but this new intelligent and elegant album elevates her already iconic voice into an even more resonant state of sublime emotive evocation that’s full of verve and swerve.

07 :: Marco Minnemann – EEPS (Lazy Bones Recordings) :: Marco Minnemann plays the drums like Jeff Beck plays the guitar, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about this unreasonably hypersonic session that sounds like a kinetic cross between Todd Rundgren and Frank Zappa performing their most visionary and volatile audio pyrotechnics.

08 :: Betty Moon – Amourphous (Evolver) :: Years ago I pegged Betty as a “heavy hard rockin’ revolutionary hellion who’s got a slinky ’n’ sly predatory eye on your dangling prize” and this new long player of hers more than ably props up that profile by producing an even more swaggering shot of style, if that’s possible—and it most certainly is.

09 :: Mr. Airplane Man – Long Lost! The Unreleased Fat Possum Sessions (Moanin’ Records) :: Wherein my two favorite blues-beltin’ babes are back with a forty minute ten tracker that should’ve come out eons ago but is well worth the wait. If you only listen to one snaky slide guitar session while waiting for your midnight crossroads appointment to arrive, make sure it’s this one.

10 :: Various Artists – 24 Classic Blues Songs From The 1920s Volume 11 (Blues Images) :: For years I’ve been bending your ear about John Tefteller’s annual Blues Images calendars, each one of which is accompanied by a long player of vintage historical 78 rpm tracks. Well, consider this a friendly reminder that it’s high time you went to BluesImages.com and found out for yourself why the 2014 edition made my Top Ten list. Better yet, go there now and start the new year right by buying their 2015 wall calendar and getting a head start on hearing why the accompanying Volume 12 disc is bound to be glorified on next year’s Top Ten list!

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #451.54!

Cold – A Different Kind Of Pain (Flip) :: Coldplay. Coldpain. Coldpause. Coldeject. Coldreject.

Yip-Yap – Pro-Twelve Thinker (Strictly Amateur Films) :: If the names Korg, Roland, Casio and Stylophone mean anything to you, then you just might enjoy the primitive electronics krafted on this sparse sampling of snatches.

Brian Blain – Overqualified For The Blues (Northern Blues) :: Now here’s something you don’t hear every day: a bluesman singin’ the blues about how lousy the blues singin’ business is these days, and that’s a twist worthy of Ron Mael, who was a crotchety old bluesman himself in his own wry way.

Boris With Merzbow – Sun Baked Snow Cave (Hydra Head) :: One track, one hour long. An electro acoustic environmental excursion that makes Eno’s early ambient albums sound like Motörhead on speed—if that’s not too oxymoronic for ya.

Lilitu – The Delores Lesion (The End) :: They sound like they’ve been watching David Fincher’s Se7en a touch too much, but this just may be screamo prog rock at its best.

Conjure One – Extraordinary Ways (Nettwerk) :: MainMan touted Dana Gillespie as the female David Bowie, but the way this dish phrases comes a lot closer.

The Myriad – You Can’t Trust A Ladder (Floodgate) :: But you can trust the singer to shamelessly ape Bono.

Agents Of The Sun – Monarchs Of A Fallen Society (DCide) :: OK, so maybe shamelessly aping Bono isn’t such a grievous sin after all.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Rogue Wave – Descended Like Vultures (Sub Pop) :: Paul McCartney? Todd Rundgren? Brian Wilson? No, it’s the return of Zach Rogue, whose new pop album is every bit as good as last year’s Out Of The Shadows.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #450.53!

Orgy – Trans Global Spectacle 1997 - 2004 (D1) :: Whether they’re falling down stairs in stages or eliciting stares on stages, this modern stoned-age family has a gay old time for over two hours. Whether you laugh with them or at them is up to you.

Emery – The Question (Tooth & Nail) :: They look like they stepped out of a western, but their sound is strictly generic melodramatic screamo.

Everything At Once – Everything At Once (Linus) :: More generic melodramatic screamo from a group that prides itself on bloodily gouging their album title into the back of a naked woman.

The Beatles – Yesterday And Today (Capitol) :: And to think that their baby butcher cover was banned in 1966 for being offensive.

Alice Cooper – “Dead Babies” (Warner Bros.) :: On the other hand, astute social commentary is never offensive.

Kill Rock Stars – Video Fanzine III (Kill Rock Stars) :: If you’re into classic rock and have absolutely no idea what’s going on these days in the alternative world of nonmainstream music, then these 25 tracks of rampant fun ’n’ mayhem will either set you on the path to higher enlightenment or spook the heebie-jeebies out of you.

Moka Only – The Desired Effect (Battle Axe) :: The undesired effect is that this crap rap makes me nap.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Danzig – Il Demonio Nera (MDM) :: Volume 9 in the complete Danzig AV library features 12 different versions of six different videos, one of which features a very stacked nude babe. Offensive? Perhaps, perhaps not. But I predict that director Danzig will give director Zombie a run for his money by becoming the new Bob Guiccione of Satano Sinema™.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #449.52!

Various Artists – Run The Road (Last Gang) :: This clever compilation contains enough speed rap to give you whiplash. And although it may not be socially responsible to use the sampled sounds of jacked chambers and gun blasts as percussion on “Terror Danjah” by Cock Back, it’s a Kraftwerkian touch that gets my toe a-tappin’. And speaking of cocks...

Goblin Cock – Bagged And Boarded (Absolutely Kosher) :: They have a pierced knob on the front cover. Their singer is named Lord Phallus. Their guitarist is named Bane Ass-Pounder. Then how to explain that they sound like Blue Cheer on Valium? I know: They’re KISS in disguise!

Khanate – Capture And Release (Hydra Head) :: This spry little lease-breaker has but two tracks, the first of which runs 18:13 and consists of nothing but anguished screaming over ponderous power chords. The second is 25:03 of more of the same.

Vagina Dentata Organ – Sex Star (VDO) :: However, Jordi Valls did this kind of thing much better way back in 1986 by taping copulating couples instead.

Rosie Thomas – If Songs Could Be Held (Nettwerk) :: Thought-provoking; heartbreaking; life-affirming; Rosie is the female George Harrison, if you know what I mean.

A Wilhelm Scream – Ruiner (Nitro) :: Decades from now, if they ever grow up, these kids will regret that they ever recorded this album.

Abigail Washburn – Song Of The Traveling Daughter (Nettwerk) :: Banjo-pickin’ country music fused with Chinese melodies. Something new under the sun and then some.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Trews – Den Of Thieves (Epic) :: Wanna know why these hot young snots got to open for those cold shot spots the Stones?

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #448.51!

The Populars – The Vindicator EP (Kindling) :: The singer steals from Roger Daltry and the guitarist steals from Pete Townshend. But when I hear an ignorant chorus like, “I wish you’d hurry up and die,” all I hear is the Who without a clue. Someone should tell these clods to choose life instead before they die before they get old.

XBXRX – Sixth In Sixes (Polyvinyl) :: These blistered sisters are screamin’ it for themselves.

Doug Cox & Sam Harris – Hungry Ghosts (Northern Blues) :: When sci-fi author Spider Robinson writes in the liner notes about “Tibetan Buddhist cosmology” and the “Zen Masters” of acoustic roots music, he’s stretching because “Canned Heat Blues” sure ain’t music to read T. Lobsang Rampa’s Chapters Of Life by.

Doomriders – Black Thunder (Deathwish) :: This dark dose sure ain’t music to read Rampa by either, but a few chapters of Mickey Spillane’s The Last Cop Out might go down good while you listen to these hoarse Cooperish theatrics—although the Mick would surely disagree and, come to think of it, so would Alice.

Mark DeCerbo & For Eyes – Sweet On The Vine (Zip) :: I might like this competent album a whole lot better if Mark didn’t sound so much like Elvis Costello. Or is that John Lennon? Robin Zander?

Tricky Woo – First Blush (Last Gang):: These wasted wastrels strike enough preening poses to punk out the New York Dolls.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Messer Chups – Crazy Price (Ipecac) :: This “Telstar” meets “Out Of Limits” sonic sliver fuses a holy-cow campabilly cornball aesthetic with a low-brow surfabilly lounge mentality. It’s got a beat, you can geek to it, I give it a 10.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #447.50!

Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea! This is Jeffrey Morgan reporting! Stand by for the Tenth Anniversary Edition of your favorite weekly rock ’n’ roll media column, where every word I write is the unvarnished and unbiased gospel truth! Flash! Let’s go to press!

Page 1!

Chris Cornell & Phil Anselmo – Sing The Louis Armstrong Songbook (Blue Note) :: Screamo meets Satchmo! (A personal note from Jeffrey Morgan: Folks, I’ve listened to this album so you can believe me when I tell you that this dynamic duo is an absolute solid-gold knockout. If you haven’t heard it yet, call up your local radio station and demand that they play it!)

Page 2!

Courtney Love – Courtney At Carnegie Hall (Capitol) :: She’s the new Judy Garland! (A personal note from Jeffrey Morgan: Folks, I’ve listened to this album so you can believe me when I tell you that this young lady is an absolute double-platinum jewel. If you haven’t heard it yet, go to your local record store and demand that they sell you a copy!)

Page 3!

Paul Reubens & Queen – Sing The Cab Calloway Songbook (Savoy) :: Hiney hiney ho! (A personal note from Jeffrey Morgan: Folks, I’ve listened to this album so you can believe me when I tell you that these four lads are an absolute solid-gold double-platinum jewel of a knockout. If you haven’t seen them yet, go to your local ticket booth and demand that they give you the best seats!)

Page 4!

And so until next week, I remain your worldwide correspondent who has come to the conclusion—after listening to some of the latest records—that the wrong musicians are out of work!

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #446.49!

Corb Lund – Hair In My Eyes Like A Highland Steer (Stony Plain) :: Maybe I ain’t been listenin’ carefully, but I ain’t heard an album with yoyo yodelin’ on it since Eno’s ululatin’ “Seven Deadly Finns.” Well, thanks to this fine fiddlin’ country album, I stand corrected. Bonus points for letting Ramblin’ Jack Elliott sing.

Nural – The Weight Of The World (Hopeless) :: What separates these teens from their boring older brethren is an ability to vary the beat and have a Geddy-esque singer who seems to know what the word “passion” means.

Mediaeval Baebes – Mirabilis (Nettwerk) :: What we got here are eight—count ’em, eight—come-hither hotties who’ve managed to come up with an ethereal Celtic cross between Mike Oldfield’s Ommadawn and Jethro Tull’s Songs From The Woods. I kid ye not.

Loren Drive – Romantic Wealth (Lobster) :: More like a pedantic wealth of angst-driven drivel.

Otis Taylor – Below The Fold (Telarc) :: The next time someone tells you that the art of storytelling songwriting is dead, play them this intelligent brain-blistering blues album that sounds like an archival roots recording but is as vital as the blood coursing through your veins.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Click Five – Greetings From Imrie House (Lava) :: Yeah, yeah, yeah, their name is meant to evoke Dave Clark’s saxified beat combo, but this new Five alive jive straddles the gap betwixt Cheap Trick and the Cars, with a Strawberries dollopdash guaranteed to keep your tail wagging. And each copy contains a different bubble gum card, so collect them all.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #445.48!

Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin (Atlantic) :: If he keeps on strainin’ the larynx gonna break.

Shelby – The Luxury Of Time (Gigantic Music) :: Steve McQueen is their hero, which explains why Virgil Hilts might’ve gotten over that second barbed wire barrier had he been listening to “Green Eyes” at the time.

Hurst – Wanderlust (Round Rock) :: And if he’d been listening to this slammin’ Sammy slice of Hagarock, the Cooler King could’ve dug all three tunnels by himself.

Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin II (Atlantic) :: If he keeps on strainin’ the larynx gonna break.

Paul Brickhill – The Great Escape (Faber and Faber) :: If all you know is the movie, then you only know part of the story, because Brickhill’s account is a premier page turner.

Paul Winchell (R.I.P.) :: Tigger? I remember him as the ventriloquist straight man to Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead. But it doesn’t matter what he’s remembered for, as long as he’s remembered.

Robert Plant – Mighty Rearranger (Sanctuary) :: When the larynx breaks, mama, he got to croon.

SIZZLING SERIES OF THE WEEK: Airwolf – Season One (Universal Home Video DVD) :: If you missed this Blue Thunder superchopper knock-off when it first aired a few decades back, now’s your chance to atone for your grievous sin of omission by buying this two-disc set. Not only does Jan Michael Vincent beat Roy Schneider at his own ace stealth pilot game, there’s the extra bonus of getting to watch co-star Ernest “McHale” Borgnine cranked up and kvetching in his best Escape From New York “Cabbie” comedy relief mode.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #444.47!

Bobby Love – Rare Herbs (Funky Delicacies) :: The freakalicious flute king of New Orleans funk is back on track to cream the scene clean with this musky collection of vintage tracks from 1974 that’ll have your gal dropping down to play one too.

Towers Of London – Towers Of London (TVT) :: Memo to publicity: The next time you mail out a press package, remember to put a copy of the record in the envelope. No wonder Reznor left.

Silverstein – Discovering The Waterfront (Victory) :: “My Heroine.” Worst drug song ever.

Erin McKeown – We Will Become Like Birds (Nettwerk) :: There’s a gag here somewhere about one in the hand or two in the bush, but I’ll be gosh darned if I can find it.

A.R.E. Weapons – Free In The Streets (Defend) :: Synthesized grandeur with a bombastic basting, this would be the result if INXS hired Jim Morrison.

Hermon Hitson – You Are Too Much For The Human Heart (Soul Tay Shus) :: If you’d like to hear one of the most stirring voices in the history of soul, then pick up this exemplary testimonial that was recorded between 1961 and 1970.

Jerry Lewis – Jerry Lewis Sings! (Decca) :: Schlock-a-bye your baby.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Wolf Parade – Wolf Parade (Sub Pop) :: “Shine A Light” lifts its title from Exile On Main St. and its opening riff from “Get Back.” Then Sam Kinison joins Pere Ubu for a vocal rave-up on “You Are a Runner And I Am My Father’s Son.” But the kicker is “Disco Sheets,” which is about as close to a Number One In Heaven outtake as you’re likely to get at this late date.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #443.46!

The Amino Acids – Destroy The Warming Sun! (Bowlophonic) :: And you thought Apple was a stupid name for a record label.

The Ribeye Brothers – Bar Ballads And Cautionary Tales (Times Beach) :: They pump a hot Farfisa and aren’t afraid to quote Roberto Duran screaming “No mas! No mas!” This just might be the boozy band Jim Morrison would’ve formed had he gotten out of that tub in Paris.

Voltage – Building The Bass Castle, Volume 1 (Flameshovel) :: Spastic and sporadic retarded guitar instrumentals that are fretfully confused and prone to wandering.

Demander – Demander (Triplicate) :: Now here’s an album that just reeks of strident fem attitude—which I guess is to be expected given that some of the band members have played in the company of Nancy Sinatra. But don’t be misled because their punky pop boots are made for stalkin’ and one of these days, well, you know.

High On Fire – Blessed Black Wings (Relapse) :: As you might hope, producer Steve “Skinng” Albini gets a ferocious sound out of these guys. Then the guitarist, who can’t sing a note to save his life, has to go and ruin everything by opening his mouth.

Motörhead – Orgasmatron (GWR) :: Not that I have anything against guys who can’t sing opening their mouths, mind you.

Xiu Xiu – Sings The Cole Porter Songbook (5RC) :: Then again...

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Aminio Acids – Destroy The Warming Sun! (Bowlophonic) :: Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but this “Telstar” meets “Out of Limits” sonic sliver fuses a holy-cow campabilly cornball aesthetic with a lowbrow thrashabilly scrounge mentality. It’s got a bleat, you can sheep to it; I give it a Sven.

Be shearing you!