KEEP YOUR EYE ON JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #315!

Wolf Eyes – Burned Mind (Sub Pop) :: Here’s this Ann Arbor band’s recipe for disaster: Take a copy of Metal Machine Music. Play at maximum volume. Scream on top of it. Slice into nine tracks. Garnish with names like “Stabbed In The Face” and “Urine Burn.” Serve cold.

SIZZLING PLATTERS OF THE WEEK: Black Merda – The Folks From Mother’s Mixer (Funky Delicacies) & Various Artists – Funky Funky New Orleans Volume 4 (Funky Delicacies) :: Boy, do I ever miss the ’70s. Forget about the ’60s which was nothing but a buncha hippies and leftover beatnik coffee shops that charged an extortionist sixty cents for a plain black cuppa Joe—yeah, they sure saw the future coming—because the ’70s had the glitter glam crowd posing next to the punks pogoing next to the zoot suited Afro preeners pimping their ladies in one giant cross-cultural stylegasm.

Indeed, I remember sitting in a jazz club and watching as a partially paralyzed Rahsaan Roland Kirk limped off stage half an hour after his set began because the pimps doing business at the bar thirty feet away were making too much noise. Shortly thereafter, this venerable institution became an upscale new wave club. Then all the downtown lavender joints had a methbed conversion and went from pansy to punk literally overnight when they smelled fresh influxes of cash from all the young rubes—which led to such surreal spectacles as hardcore punk bands playing next to giant statues of Michelangelo’s fig-leafed David. Ah, those were the days my friend and, no, we didn’t think they’d ever end. Then the ’80s quietly crept up and sapped us on the back of the noggin while we weren’t looking and that was the name of that tune.

Speaking of which, The Folks From Mother’s Mixer is a compilation of Black Merda’s first two albums of seminal Detroit wah wah guitar-driven psychedelic funk: their self-titled debut album from 1970; and 1972’s freakified follow-up Long Burn The Fuse. Whether your agenda is to bear arms or spread legs, this album contains enough amped-up ammo to perforate either way you play.

Meanwhile, Funky Funky New Orleans Volume 4 offers up sexteen solid sets of salacious sounds from 1969 to 1973. The lubricious song titles tell the whole story from “Jungle Weed” and “Turn Me On” to “Sooky Feeling” and “C’mon And Make Me.” And if you’re up for the down stroke but the down stroke keeps eluding you, I guarantee that one long hit of “How To Make Love” will put you in the proper pudenda pounding groove.

So if you’re dead set against maintaining the status bro and you subscribe to the Pimp My Pimp movement that would have today’s Soledrab brothas ditch the baggy rags and dress more like Michael D. “Rooster” Roberts did on Baretta or Antonio “Huggy Bear” Vargas did on Starsky & Hutch, then these two albums are made for you, jive turkey.

Be seeing you!

PUNCH A HIGHER JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #314!

SIZZLING PLATTERS OF THE WEEK: Prince – The Work: 1976 – 2000 (Thunderball) :: This guy once put out an album called Musicology—an egghead handle with an edifying air to it that conjured up visions of Professor Prince holding class in his best zoot suited Cab Calloway mortarboard attire. But if you want a real musical history lesson in what Prince is up to every night while the rest of the world is sleeping, then I strongly suggest that you seek out a copy of this definitive 20 disc set.

That’s right, spanning a quarter of a century, this astonishing set contains a whopping 20 discs of unreleased studio demos and outtakes. That’s a grand total of 331 tracks, all presented in strict chronological order. Amazingly, there are no false starts, no incomplete songs, and no duplications with any officially released Prince albums or extended singles.

With each individual disc clocking in at a full eighty minutes in length, that’s over 24 hours worth of music. And for those of you who would like an old school conversion, we’re talking the equivalent of 40 full-length vinyl records, or 80 album sides. This mammoth monolith makes Keith Jarrett’s original vinyl ten record Sun Bear Concerts box set look like a one-sided Ramones single.

And although some of these tracks have been available on various individual bootlegs for decades, more often than not their muffled tenth-generation sound quality was so inferior as to be almost unlistenable—but not this time around. As might be expected from a major undertaking like this, the sound is uniformly of a high studio quality.

Not only are we privy to outtakes and demos from all of Prince’s own albums, we’re also treated to an extensive array of unreleased songs from virtually every artist Prince has worked with over the years, from The Time and The Family to Jill Jones and Carmen Electra—including tracks from completed follow up albums which were never released. Indeed, after listening to all the myriad variations presented herein, it’s not unreasonable to think that Prince routinely assembles several completely different versions of each album before he releases it.

Some of the stellar selections contained on The Work include: The original demo for The Time’s “Chocolate” wherein Prince shows where Morris Day’s ‘ad libbed’ conceited shtick really comes from, including his “Yessssss” catchphrase; the full unedited 12 minute version of “Computer Blue” that restores the missing six and a half minutes which were cut from the end of the version that’s on Purple Rain; and a marathon 30 minute studio version of  “I Would Die For You” that served as the arrangement template for Prince’s live television version.

Folks, that’s only three selections from the first three discs, so you can just imagine what’s waiting for you on the remaining 17. In other words, school’s in session, so you’d better take notes because there’s going to be a final exam—and knowing Professor Prince, it’ll be oral.

Be seeing you!

PROGROCKSTICATING JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #313!

Styx – The Grand Illusion / Pieces Of Eight: Live (Eagle) :: Wherein two compact discs; one video disc; and two classic progressive rock albums performed live in their entirety add up to one enjoyable exercise in endless nostalgia, all expertly played with peerless note perfect precision, as befitting these master progrocksticators!

SIZZLING VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Queen – Days Of Our Lives: The Definitive Documentary Of The World’s Greatest Rock Band (Eagle) :: Like sand through the hourglass, so are the number of music videos that I have to watch each week about beat combos that are supposedly “The World’s Greatest Rock Band.” Well, as it so happens, I’ve seen The World’s Greatest Rock Band perform live in concert and these guys ain’t it; they’re The World’s Second Greatest Rock Band and they prove it all night in spades on this exhaustively titled officially authorized and sonically sanctioned audio-visual documentary that’s, well, about as nigh-on definitive as you’re likely to get.

It don’t matter none whether you go ga ga for clean shaven long haired Freddie or go goo goo for mustachioed short haired Freddie ’cause no matter which way you swing you’ll wind up on the receiving end of a bevy of dynamic live footage; an ace accounting of archival interviews; a cool cadre of contemporary interviews; and more bonus Queen rock videos than you can shake a stick at—and if that’s your idea of a good time, then bring your dog along and I’ll give him a bonus too.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Lords Of Acid – Deep Chills (Metropolis) :: What Rob Zombie’s White Zombie are to satirical B movie horror movies and what Sascha Konietzko’s KMFDM are to satirical socio-political agendas, Pragha Khan’s Lords Of Acid are to satirical suburban sex-soaked soirées—and with sinsational song titles like “The Crab Louse” and “Young Boys” and “Drink My Honey” and the ever-popular “I Must Increase My Bust,” you’d best believe that Lords know whereof they shriek, all backed by a percolating cauldron of techno-syntho beats that’s so pulchritudinously persuasive it can pop a primed pudenda at thirty feet.

Now, after a self-imposed hiatus of 12—count ’em—12 long years spent brain tripping in parts unknown, the carnal cult responsible for such semenal (sic) sexamples of forbidden sexcess as 1994’s VooDoo U and 2000’s Farstucker (really sic) is back in the stirrups again with this brand new spread-eagled sextravaganza that’ll teach you more then a couple of new tricks about what’s still habitually going on hot ’n’ heavy behind every green door.

Aided and ably abetted by a lush new lineup of rockin’ reprobaters that includes new femme fatale vocalist DJ Mea, this one sounds like a kooky retrophonic cross between a Casio keyboard orgy gone feral and a technophonic USB meltdown. Even better, “The Love Bus” sounds like Lee Hazlewood come back from the Great Beyond to have one final fling with Nancy Sinatra. Bonus points for sheathing this throbbing monster in a Charles Addams meets R. Crumb raincoat.

Big Brother & The Holding Company – Cheap Thrills (Columbia) :: Exactly!

Be seeing you!

RECYCLING JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #312!

The Never – Never (Mo-Risen) :: Arrangements straight outta Queen via Sha Na Na? Chipmunk vocals á la Russell Mael? A music publishing company called “Watch Out For Cancer”? Pretentious band names like Ari-Vox, Noah-Vox, Jonny-Vox, and Joah-Vox? Liner notes containing a heartfelt Earth Day plea to respect the environment by recycling? Alright, if you insist: Hello garbage can!

Communiqué – Poison Arrows (Lookout) :: These breathless boys want to be the new effete darlings of glam so badly that they’ll do anything to make it—and that includes starting off one of ‘their’ songs with a note for note copy of Bowie’s “Ashes To Ashes.” Where I come from, we don’t call that a quote. We call that a theft.

The Thermals – F#!%ing A (Sub Pop) :: They aspire to be thermonuclear but only manage to deliver a lukewarm thermos payload. Despite worshipping at the shrine of St. Johnny, singer-lyricist Hutch Harris doesn’t realize that Rotten actually sang his lyrics instead of merely reciting them in a flat monotonic monologue. Influence is one thing, kid. Inflection is another thing entirely.

Demolition Doll Rods – On (Swami) :: I was gonna give this one a marginally passing grade for cheap sleazy enthusiasm until I found out that this slapdash hash, which sounds as if it had been recorded in a concrete bunker during a keg party, was actually their third album instead of the debut disc I initially deemed it to be—and as The Stooges and New York Dolls will tell you, that’s one outing too many because two kicks at the can are all you really need to make the grade.

The Je Ne Sais Quoi – Secret Language (Coalition) :: New York, London, Paris, Munich. Here at jeffreymorgan.info world headquarters we receive all manner of media from all over the world, like this lump of rump. Now with a name like “The Je Ne Sais Quoi” you’d never expect these guys to hail from Sweden, the land best known for Ingmar Bergman movies and an old Stranglers song, but they do. And although it only lasts but a mere sixteen minutes, this extended player is proof positive that Swedish rock bands can be just as excruciatingly dull as the bands in your home town are. Everybody talkin’ ’bout schlock musik.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Mixel Pixel – Contact Kid (Kanine) :: Just as Eno was sonically scalded by the Velvet Underground, Mixel Pixel has been equally Enossified, right down to starting off “Mantis Rock” with the same cricket menace that Eno ended Tiger Mountain’s “The Great Pretender” with—but they’re not just out to up the Eno ante exponentially. “Out Of My Mind” is the Beatles at their most LSD chromosome damaged; “The Drag City Starlet” is Bowie’s “Lady Grinning Soul” turned inside out and eviscerated; “Gas House Gables” is a Satanic Majesties overdose; and “I Am The Contact Kid” is Alice Cooper doing “Blue Jay Way.” Contact High School is more like it.

Be seeing you!

SUN-DAY! JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #311!

Owl City – Live From Los Angeles (Eagle) :: I never heard of these nerds before, but after suffering through their mundane music and banal between song banter...

“Los Angeles, California, I wanna thank you so much for being here with us this evening! It’s kind of a special evening there’s, there’s, like, cameras everywhere! We’re shooting our first ever DVD so... Please smile... Please look beautiful... Oh, wait! You’re L.A.! No problem!”

...I never want to hear them again.

Santana – Greatest Hits Live At Montreux 2011 (Eagle) :: Carlos Santana’s greatest hits moment was at Woodstock long before he got stupid and started wearing t-shirts adorned with the smug mug of mass murderer Ernesto “Che” Guevara. But if you can forgive him that heinous ethical lapse, then maybe you’ll enjoy these two video discs which prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Stupetana’s dim-wittedness doesn’t extend all the way down to his guitar playing. But he’s still an ignorant clod.

Ray Charles – Live In France 1961 (Eagle) :: I’ve never cottoned to Ray Charles and I’ve spent years in therapy trying to figure out why. Initially I thought it was because I didn’t like the way Ray bobbed his head from side to side—but then my head shinker pointed out that I didn’t mind it when Stevie Wonder did the exact same thing. Then I thought it was because I didn’t like the way Ray sang in a guttural growl—but then my head shinker pointed out that I didn’t mind it when Joe Cocker did the exact same thing. So I gave this restored and remastered black and white television special to my head shinker; cancelled my remaining couch sessions; and didn’t go back no more, no more, no more, no more.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Lamont James – Poppies (self released) :: You better go out and get yourself a box of push pins and a really big map ’cause this here Lamont James is all over it. First he comes across like some kinda cross between Aquashow era Elliott Murphy and The Beatles era John Lennon at their most acoustically mellow (“Today”). Next he morphs into Around The World In A Day era Prince (“Song Of You”) and Candy-O era Cars at their most synthesizer saturated (“Sorry”). Then he has the good sense smarts to plug it in and crank it up on a cover of Teenage Head’s seminal single “Picture My Face.” After that he deftly deconstructs things down with an ambient electronic instrumental like “Kaüzendüx” that eerily evokes Stockhausen at his short waviest. But best of all is track twelve which lasts all of twenty seconds and contains naught but a syncopated drum solo. “Hey,” thinks I at the five second mark, “this reminds me of ‘Premier Drums’ on The Who Sells Out.” So I take a look to see what the song title is and wouldn’t ya know that it says: “Moonie.”

Be seeing you!

TELLING THE TRUTH CAN BE JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #310!

Rogers And Clarke – In Concert! Live! At The Chez Casablanca! (Ishtar) :: Like a complete set of Shakespeare that you get in the corner drugstore for a dollar ninety-eight or a volume of Omar Khayyám that you buy in the department store at Christmas time for your cousin Julia, they’re Morocco bound!

Peter, Paul And Mary – 25th Anniversary Concert (Shout! Factory!) :: Mary Travers may have died in 2009, but she’s still alive and well during this 1986 concert film which celebrates the folk trio’s quarter century milestone. Everything you’d want to hear is here from “If I Had A Hammer” and “Leaving On A Jet Plane” to the greatest drug song ever recorded, the ever-popular yet much-misunderstood “Puff The Magic Dragon” which some still claim is naught but a mere children’s story. I guess that explains why they go so far as to publicly proclaim otherwise during the opening verse by singing: “There never was a different meaning other than the obvious one!”

The Fraternity Of Man – Don’t Bogart Me (Reprise) :: Exactly!

Benjamin Ross – Thorne: Scaredycat (TVA Films) :: Forensic crime ’n’ cop shows are a dime a dozen these days, which is why it’s doubly refreshing to come across one that not only has an over-amped case of the smarts, but a genuinely inventive narrative twist that’s so fresh you wonder why nobody ever thought of it before—and if they did, it’s a sure bet that they never essayed it as expertly as its done here. Of course, some bone-headed copywriter hadda go ’n’ toss a spoiler tag line right on the front cover of the DVD which gives the game away so, whatever you do, don’tcha dare read it! Just get it instead and see if you can suss out the secret yourself.

SIZZLING VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Dean Martin – King Of Cool: The Best Of The Dean Martin Variety Show – Collector’s Edition  (Time Life) :: Just about everybody and their Uncle Abe gets called the King Of Cool these days but, as any certified chill adherent will ably attest, there are only two giants who walked the Earth worthy enough to be bestowed with that mighty moniker: Steve “Cooler King” McQueen and Dean “Coolest King” Martin.

McQueeno was literally a pedal to the metal rebel whose contrarian skill as a consummate conscientious craftsman meant that he could even play Ibsen and make it look hip. Deano, on the other hand, was an unperturbed pro with a blasé demeanor that made just about everything he did look nonchalant to the point of nihilistically not caring about anything but a paycheck, if that.

But luckily you don’t have to take my word for it ’cause all the 100% Proof you need is on this definitive All Smoking! All Drinking! six disc, ten hour compendium which contains eighteen complete one hour episodes spanning the years 1965 through 1973. Why, there’s so many essential unrehearsed moments, it’s hard to know where to begin. With Bill Cosby’s “Chicken Heart” bit? With Orson Welles’ nude undressed rehearsal scene? With Satchmo breaking the sound barrier on “When It’s Sleepy Time Down South”?

All this plus the Golddiggers and the NBC Peacock in living color? I tell you, it’s enough to make a grown man buy!

Be seeing you!

GOODBYE CRUEL JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #309!

Bruce Springstone – Greetings From Bedrock Park (Hanna-Barbera) :: Includes the hit single “Quarry Days.” Rest in peace, Bill.

Jethro Tull – Draculung (Chrysalis) :: They all laughed when Ian Anderson announced that he was going to write a progressive art rock opera about a rummy child molesting vampire. Well, they’re not laughing now.

Blue Öyster Cheer – Agents Of Eruptum (Phillips) :: I wish!

The Who – Who’s On First (Track) :: They all laughed when Pete Townshend announced that he was going to write a rock opera about Abbott and Costello. Well, they’re not laughing now.

Aerostones – It’s Only Rock In A Hard Place (Toxic Glimmer) :: They all laughed when rock’s big-lippers finally united. Well, they’re not laughing now. Includes the hit single “Dude (Looked Like Lady Jane’s Got A Gun).”

Don Kirshner Presents – The Byrds, The Beatles & The Monkees (Colgems) :: They all laughed when Mr. Rock Concert reunited three of the world’s greatest bands. Well, they’re not laughing now.

Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin XI: Live At Carnegie Hall (Atlantic) :: They all laughed when Bun E. Carlos replaced John Bonham on this box set. Well, they’re not laughing now.

The Doors – Manzarek, Densmore, Krieger & Jones Ltd. (Camden) :: They all laughed when Davy Jones was hired to replace Jim Morrison. Well, they’re not laughing now. Includes the hit single “The Doors Into Summer.”

David Byrne & Brian Eno – My Life In The Bush Of Your Wife (Sire) :: They all laughed when these aging art fops decided to record music for adulterers. Well, they’re not laughing now.

Black Oak Sabbath – Paranoid Mutha (Atco) :: I wish!

Styx & Stones – Break My Bones (Plaster Caster) :: They all laughed when Dennis DeYoung and Mick Jagger waxed some tracks together. Well, they’re not laughing now.

Cars Traffic Jam – 4 Way Stop (Motown) :: They all laughed when Ric Ocasek, Steve Winwood, and Paul Weller created a new supergroup. Well, they’re not laughing now.

The Clash – Sandradeesta! (Rocket) :: They all laughed when Elton John re-formed The Only Band That Matters. Well, they’re not laughing now.

Tom Scholz & Hugh Cornwell – Boston Stranglers (Death Row) :: They’re definitely not laughing now.

Keith Richards – “Don’t Fall Out Of The Apple Tree” (Fiji Gin) :: It only hurts when he laughs.

Phyllis Dylan – Fang On Fang (Columbia) :: I wish!

Ted Nugent – The Ted Offensive: Triple Live Gonzo In Afghanistan (Armed Forces Radio Network) :: You were waiting for that, weren’t you?

SPLATTER PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Nirvana – Arrivederci! (Swan Song) :: Recorded in Rome, this final vinyl features cover versions of: “So Long It’s Been Good To Know Ya,” “Suicide Solution,” “Auf Wiedersehen,” “Don’t Try Suicide,” “I Feel Like I’m Fixin’ To Die Rag,” “Rock ’n’ Roll Suicide,” and “Lay Down And Die, Goodbye.” Includes the hit single “Dead Man’s Kurt.”

The Rolling Boulders – Get Yer Yabba Yabbas Out! (Hanna-Barbera) :: Includes the hit single “No Excavations.” Rest in peace, Joe.

Be leaving you!

I’M THE INVISIBLE JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #308!

Grace Slick – Welcome To The Wrecking Ball (Grunt) :: Best album title ever!

Bruce Springsteen – Wrecking Ball (Columbia) :: Best album title ever!

Tara Angel – Come Down (Rykodisc) :: Great, just what we need: a debut disc by a dour dame whose role models are downer divas like Courtney Love, Patti Smith, and Alanis Morrisette. “When you find me, I won’t be waiting,” she petulantly pouts in a wasted Marianne Faithful monotone death drone. Toots, don’t give yourself that much credit because not only were we not searching for you, we never even noticed you were here in the first place, let alone gone.

Deerhoof – Milk Man (Kill Rock Stars) :: You name it: whether it’s by Diamanda Galás; Sparks; Julie Cruise; Tony Conrad; Angelo Badalamenti; Eno; Kraftwerk; Basil Kirchin; Lady June; or the Sadistic Mika Band, I’ve never met an oddball album that I didn’t like. But in all my years of playing wonky records to break leases and evict unwanted house guests, I’ve never heard anything quite like what’s waiting for you inside this one. Sparse English lyrics are ethereally hissed with an inscrutable Oriental lilt. Organs bloop and blorp. Rhythm guitars jingle jangle jingle. Wave signals fade in and out. Lead guitars snake around with languid ease. Bass and drums pound. Pianos tinkle hauntingly. If you’re an art rock connoisseur who truly appreciates the oblique and the obscure, then this one is most definitely for you.

Trevor Lissauer – Transit Plaza (Happy Frown) :: It seems that the big knock on Lissauer, aside from the fact that he used to act on shows like Felicity and Sabrina The Teenage Witch, is that he apes George Harrison too much. Well, I happen hear a bit of Bryan Ferry here as well, but so what? I mean, it’s not as if Harrison’s going to be stepping into a studio anytime soon, right? And as for Ferry, did you manage to stay awake all the way through his latest slice of sonic snoozak? At least Lissauer can sing, play, and write songs with more personality than a lot of other records I’ve heard recently—and I’ve been listening to enough ill-conceived dreck these days to know the difference.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Nash The Slash – The Simultaneous Man (Cut-Throat) :: Wuxtry! Wuxtry! Read all about it! Slasher strikes again! That’s right, the legendary bandaged one has surfaced from his underground recording studio in an abandoned subway station with yet another influential album of clever aural devastation. From the meta-industrialized Thrash to the electro-orchestral Nosferatu to the sci-fi art rocker Lost In Space, Nash is hitting a sinister stride not seen since he was first disfigured beyond recognition decades ago—but don’t let that be a deterrent. I dare you to dig deep and listen to his extensive back catalogue and see what decades of electronic sonic exotica and arcane experimental reconstructive surgery gone horribly wrong can do for you!

Be seeing you!

ICH BIN EIN JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #307!

Them murderous master race ratzis may have been lousy at winning world wars and taking over the world, but what they lacked in dictatorial smarts they more than made up for on the Krautrock ’n’ roll front lines—as evidenced by these three formerly Verboten videos.

SIZZLING VIDEO OF THE WEEK #1: Ian Hunter and Mick Ronson – Live At Rockpalast – Gruganhalle, Essen, Germany – April 19 & 20, 1980 (MVD Video) :: First up we have everybody’s favorite deuce on the loose, that joined at the fret titanic tag team of Hunteronson who separately and together did more for the advancement and preservation of beefy, but never beefcake, kick like a mule rock ’n’ roll than anyone else on the planet—especially Riki Monsoon, who shredded strings for such theatrical mascara wearers as Lou Reed; David Bowie; Mott The Hoople; and Bob Dylan.

This one shows them on their Welcome To The Club world tour wherein they plow through a number of Mott classics from “All The Way from Memphis” and “All The Young Dudes” to a number of solo Hunter classics from “Once Bitten Twice Shy” and “Cleveland Rocks” to a book ended beginning and end featuring Ronson soloing on “FBI” to begin the show and “Slaughter On Tenth Avenue” to end it—both of which, frankly, are worth the price of admission alone.

SIZZLING VIDEO OF THE WEEK #2: Roy Buchanan – Live At Rockpalast – Markthalle, Hamburg, Germany, February 24, 1985 (MVD Video) :: They’re still calling Roy Buchanan “the world’s best unknown guitarist” and I have to agree, even though I was buying his records back in the ’70s. But if you’ve never heard of him, let alone heard him play, let alone seen him play, then this performance, which was recorded a mere three years before his controversial death at the age of 48, is essential viewing to put it mildly.

Buchanan is also the world’s most visually unlikeliest guitarist you’ll ever see, what with his cocky beret and rummy whiskers and professorial corduroy jacket. But once you’ve witnessed him effortlessly blaze through everything from Henry M’s “Peter Gunn” to Booker T’s “Green Onions,” you’ll understand why Roy Buchanan will always remain the guitarist’s guitarist. As always, the standout centerpiece of the show is his jaw dropping seven minute version of “The Messiah Will Come Again,” which cleans everybody’s clock from James Marshall to James Patrick and literally has to be seen to be believed—and even then you’ll doubt what your unbelieving eyes are beholding.

SIZZLING VIDEO OF THE WEEK #3: Public Image Limited – Live At Rockpalast – Zeche Bochum, Germany, October 31, 1983 (MVD Video) :: Last, but certainly not least, is this quaint little full-length exercise in musical restraint by that suave stylist Mr. John Lydon, who pulls out every stop to show all and sundry why PiL are one of the minimalistically greatest—not to mention metronomically gratest—regressive art rock combos to ever hit the boards. Then again, with a set list that impressively includes everything from “Public Image” and “Flowers Of Romance” to “(This Is Not A) Love Song” and “Anarchy In The U.K.” how can you go wrongo, boyo? Bonus points for including rehearsal footage of “Annalisa” and “Chant.”

Be seeing you!

NUMBER ONE WITH A JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #306!

Phil Spector – Back To Stereo (Philles) :: After the Supreme Court refused to overturn the life sentence of convicted murderer Phil Spector—thus ensuring that he’ll stay behind bars where he can’t threaten anyone anymore—every record company that the disgraced producer ever worked for jointly agreed to delete all of Spector’s original mono recordings from their back catalogues and then have Academy Award winning Lucasfilm sound sculptor Walter Murch digitally remix the original studio multi-tracks into THX benchmark stereo and 9.1 surround sound at Skywalker Ranch. As one veteran record executive explains in the liner notes to this ten disc box set: “I’ve been waiting to get back at that bald-headed bastard ever since he pulled a gun on me during the recording of ‘He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss).’ Mono. What does that woman slayer think this is, anyway? 1950?”

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Andre Williams – Hoods And Shades (Bloodshot) :: The first thing you notice is that the album cover comes gang bangin’ atcha straight outta some kinda drive-by ghetto blasted vintage blaxploitation one sheet: I’m talkin’ ’bout a tricked out pimp daddy flashin’ dual solid gold JAIL and BAIT knuckle rings with his meaty mitts wrapped around two dishy thunder-age bikini-clad gun-toting foxes; a Cagnesque exploding oil refinery; a double barreled pump action guitar; a trench coated machete wieldin’ maniac escapin’ a fiery inferno multi car collision via a danglin’ helicopter ladder; plus a sinister as sin cadre of terrorist fist-jabbin’ Unabomber lookalikes.

And with songs like the moralistic “A Good Day To Feel Bad” and the animalistic “Jaw Dropper” and the hoodooistic “Mojo Hanna” you’d better believe that this one’s got the ginchiest gonad-grabbin’ goods ’cause Williams has forgotten more about life than you’ll ever learn so mebbe it’s about time for you to pick up on what he’s putting down, y’hear?

SIZZLING VIDEO OF THE WEEK: The B-52s – With The Wild Crowd! Live In Athens, Georgia (Eagle) :: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: show me a live-in-their-hometown reunion album and I’ll show you a lazy litany of last gasp let down expectations—but not this time I won’t ’cause this is the most kinetically frenetic fun fiesta since their pulsating Party Mix! radically redefined what a remix record should sound like. And now that you can actually see them in action on this outta sight two hour video in their Day-Glo get ups in front of a vertiginous Time Tunnel backdrop, you’ll agree that these kitschy camp runamuck jive bombers haven’t missed a strategically placed lick since their “Private Idaho” and “Love Shack” hit single heyday. Not only do they rock harder than ever, their witty retro-ironic antics jibe with today’s pop culture landscape in a kooky cool way that vitally resonates even more than it did thirty years ago. That’s why the line to elect supersexy Cindy Wilson into the Rock Hall starts here.

Be seeing you!

HEY HEY IT’S JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #305!

Davy Jones – 1945-2012 (R.I.P.) :: And in other news, David Bowie just announced that he’ll be changing his name back.

The Monkees – Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd. (RCA) :: While the Beatles and Stones spent 1967 getting doped up and recording their hippy-dippy stoner albums Sgt. Pepper’s and Satanic Majesties, these hardcore radical Yankee outlaws were singing about drug pushers (“Salesman”); horny teenage sluts (“She Hangs Out”); a naïve girl getting brutally gangbanged by the Hells Angels (“Cuddly Toy”); promiscuous groupies on the prowl (“Star Collector”); and suburban surreal estate (“Pleasant Valley Sunday”). That’s right, a Hells Angels gangbang. Who you gonna believe: me or your own ears?

SIZZLING PLATTER OF ALL TIME: Rolling Stones – Live At Altamont (December 9, 1969) :: And speaking of the Hells Angels, you can watch Gimme Shelter over and over again until the cows come home but you’ll never be able to truly understand the horrific tragedy of Altamont until you’ve lived through this harrowing audio experience.

If anyone in the entire history of rock ’n’ roll ever deserves to be awarded a Purple Heart for bravery far above and beyond the call of duty, it’s the five anonymous fearless audience members who had the guts to tape the individual pieces that collectively comprise this complete hour and a half concert, which was recorded during the middle of the night in what was, literally, an outdoor combat zone patrolled and brutally enforced by a hostile horde of Hells Angels.

What makes this aural document the most historically important Rolling Stones live concert ever is that, unlike a sterile soundboard tape, this revelatory recording plunges you right into the front row at Altamont as an actual audience member instead of as a safely detached spectator—and it’s nothing short of astonishing to hear how rapidly events inexorably deteriorate.

Minutes into the first song one audience member cheerfully says: “Have a good time!” To which another replies with equal ebullience: “You too!” By the third song everything’s already irrevocably doomed. “Let me outta here!” someone yells, only to be anxiously told: “There’s nowhere to go, man!” When the singer impotently demands to know “who’s fighting and what for?” an irate man instantly bellows back at him: “Who do you think?” Next a woman screams: “Get a doctor!”

By the time Sam “Everything seems to be ready, are you ready?” Cutler takes the microphone to announce: “We’ve also lost, in the front here, a little girl who’s five years old” and the band breaks into—wait for it—Jimmy Reed’s “The Sun Is Shining,” everything has become so surrealistically appalling that you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. When they eventually get around to playing “Brown Sugar” in public for the first time, one person has been murdered and who knows how many others have been injured.

“...like one of you could control one little girl...” the singer admonishes.

And the band played on.

Be seeing you!

AND SPEAKING OF JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #304!

Automan – Backseat Surprise (Unkle Dunk) :: It’s a good thing that Darrell Dwarf—double d, geddit?—Miller is a better singer songwriter than he is an album cover designer ’cause his “record design, concept and graphics” suck worse than an unplugged Hoover with a full bag.

And speaking of full bags, I’m all for having some anonymous skirt’s double d’s displayed on an album cover but the next time around he really oughtta hand-jive some Ohio Players jackets for inspiration first—at least they didn’t neuter their nude cover photos by running them as a pseudo-solarized negative image. That said, the music is an appealing power pop pud that owes more than a little to the kind of boozy bar band bombast that made the ’70s famous.

MEDIA CULPA: And speaking of the ’70s, here’s an acidic flashback to the September 1976 issue of Cheap Thrills when I was just a callow youth who wrote the following record review and actually thought it was funny; then again, I did edit the rag, for Pete’s sake.

And speaking of Pete Townshend, who recently wrote a public apology for using offensive words like “blacks” and “queers” and “rape” when he wrote Quadrophenia in 1973, I likewise echo his sentiment that: “One day I would be made to apologize. I do so here. Now.”

Thankfully, after decades of intense sensitivity training, my writing style has now evolved over the past 36 years to the point where I would never write something as irresponsibly heinous like this today:

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Ohio Players – Contradiction (Mercury) :: It’s long been a proven scientific fact that all women have brains the size of a pea. I know it, you know it, and the Ohio Players know it. Just like Pleasure; Pain; Fire; Water; Ecstasy; Money; Leather; and Greed before it, Contraception continues the Players’ search for the Eternal All-Nite Party and the funky, foxy All-Nite Lay that goes with it in some secluded upstairs bedroom.

I mean, just dig these liner notes: “I’ll only use you when absolutely necessary...” Right on! And how about these lyrics: “Women are feminine and that’s all right with me ’cause they make my manhood feel good.” All right, indeed! And dig that naked broad ridin’ that horse inside the fold-out sleeve! Thumpa Thumpa City! You betcha!

Them Ohio Players know that a woman’s proper place is either in the kitchen makin’ dinner or in the bedroom makin’ babies. So keep the OP on the turntable at ALL TIMES ’cause you never know when you just might be in the mood to put your lady in her proper place (and we all know where that is).

Next to the Ohio Players, Barry White is a fag and all women nuthin’ but slaves. Do you hear me? SLAVES! Alright, it’s time to get down. You know what to do. Now get to it.

Beulah, peel me a grape.

Be seeing you!

ME WISE JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #303!

SIZZLING VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Wally Cox – Underdog: The Complete Collector’s Edition (Shout! Factory) :: In what can only be seen as a sign that the universe is finally unfolding as it should, the pop culture vultures at Shout! Factory have released this definitive archival nine disc (!) twenty-four hour long (!!) box set which painstakingly restores every single animated Underdog episode, as originally aired on NBC beginning in 1964, in its original four part story arc, along with the “Go Go Gopher” and “Commander McBragg” shorts that accompanied it. Impressive, I know.

Even better, both Underdog and his secret identity Shoeshine Boy are voiced by the legendary Wally “Mr. Peepers” Cox, who was blessed with one of the most originally distinctive and instantly identifiable voices the world of animation has ever known. Indeed, it’s nigh on impossible to imagine anyone else having the right rhyming dynamic drawl needed to imbue Underdog with life other than Cox. So be a model citizen and buy this absolutely essential box set now to see for yourself why Underdog still rules the skies half a century after his dynamic début!

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Van Halen – A Different Kind Of Truth (Interscope) :: Telling the truth to lazy musicians has always been my job, which is why I wrote a feature record review of Diver Down in the August 1982 issue of CREEM titled “Seller’s Market” that was so devastatingly dismissive, word got back to me that Van Halen was up in arms about it to the point of being downright white knuckle irate—which was only fitting since I was plenty peeved myself after shelling out my hard-earned shekels for that lousy album.

Amazingly, this new one has everything that Diver Down didn’t including, most crucial of all, an over abundance of cheeky trademark cheap asides by Roth which range from the sassily self-congratulatory: “I told ya I was comin’ back. Say you missed me. Say it like you mean it...” to the authoritatively admonitory: “Aw, this next part should really confuse things; everybody, let’s stay focused. A little more volume in the headphones please?”

And speaking of volume, not only is this the loudest Van Halen album ever, it’s the flat out speed freak fastest one in that almost every song is played in an out of control double time style that’s ridiculously relentless. Refreshingly devoid of any keyboards or ballads, some might say that it’s a guy’s album because it doesn’t have a “Jamie’s Cryin’” on it—but that’s the back to the basics point, as ably evidenced by the overtly overpowering album cover image.

As good as the two last gasp Roth reunion tracks on Best Of Volume 1 were, neither of them gave any indication whatsoever that these guys were still capable of recording an entire long player as dynamically youthful and octave spanning as this one is. It may not be as thoughtfully mature as Fair Warning but it’s easily the exhilarating auditory equivalent of Women And Children First, if not more so, and that’s a musical miracle in itself.

In fact, as it stands right now, the only way Van Halen could possibly be improved is if they hired back fired founding bassist Michael Anthony—to sing background vocals.

Sammy who?

Be seeing you!

I CAN’T EXPLAIN JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #302!

The Who – “Tattoo” (Decca) :: Best song title ever!

Van Halen – “Tattoo” (Interscope) :: Best song title ever!

The Beatles – “From Me Tattoo” (Parlophone) :: Worst song title ever!

SIZZLING REISSUE OF THE WEEK: The Who – Quadrophenia Maximum: The Director’s Cut: Super Deluxe Edition (Polydor) :: This definitive four disc edition of the ’Oo’s masterpiece lives up to its exhaustive title by including over two dozen demos plus a profusely illustrated book written by the album’s big nosed songwriter that’s one hundred English pounds—er, pages.

SIZZLING VIDEO OF THE WEEK: The Who – Live At The Cow Palace (November 20, 1973) :: When the ’Oo went on their 1973 “whirlwind” tour of North America to promote Quadrophenia, they weren’t kidding around because within twelve days it was all over but the drinking.

Luckily, this privately recorded two hour black and white videotape—a three camera shoot which was “liberated” from promoter Bill Graham’s personal archive—captures the band’s opening night in San Francisco as they struggle with a dodgy quadraphonic sound system and a druggy quadriplegic drummer who passes out not once, but twice, after imbibing animal tranquilizers and booze.

Then, with the cameras still rolling, the big nosed guitarist steps up to the microphone and asks the music question: “Is there a drummer in the house?” At which point teenage audience member Scot Halpin accepts the offer, is allowed up on stage, and actually sits down behind Keith Moon’s drums. Then things really get interesting.

SIZZLING BOOK OF THE WEEK: Richie Unterberger – Won’t Get Fooled Again: The Who From Lifehouse To Quadrophenia (Jawbone) :: Even the biggest ’Oo fan will be impressed by this painstakingly researched digest that comprehensively covers the band’s most prolific post-Thomas period. I learned more about the ’Oo in the first 25 pages than I did in the last 25 years! Bonus points for quoting a CREEM Magazine interview that I did with “Old Big Nose” back in 1975 about the ’Oo’s legendary rock opera Bible One.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Pete Townshend – Live At The Roundhouse (April 14, 1974) :: What makes this audience recording of Pete’s first ever live solo concert so charming to listen to is the fact that it actually is a solo performance in that the bulk of the show consists of Pete playing his electric guitar accompanied only by a primitive rhythm generator. “This next one is a little bit more complicated,” he says prior to playing “Big Boss Man” as he strives to set the machine to a new preset rhythm. “Fox Trot 2 on the beat box.”

The crowd is a rowdy boisterous lot that results in a lot of banter between the artist and his audience of hard core fans. “I come from a rough neighbour’ood,” he warns a heckler before launching into an eclectic selection of songs ranging from Jimmy Reed’s “Goin’ To New York” to Tim Harden’s “If I Were A Carpenter” and an even more arcane assortment of ’Oo songs ranging from “Tattoo” and “Happy Jack” to “The Seeker” and “Let’s See Action.”

He even takes a break to spin two demo recordings of “My Generation” and give a prototypical Professor Pete pontification on how they were made in his home studio. “Note the stutter!” he proudly points out as the first tape plays.

Bonus points for rewriting “Magic Bus” to include this new inspirational insecurity verse: “I’m so nervous, I’m sure it shows. Don’t say anything about my great big nose!”

The Who – Bible One (Eel Pie) :: Coming soon!

Be seeing you!

ELVIS HASN’T LEFT JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #301!

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK – AUDIO DIVISION: Elvis Presle–er, “Jon Burrows” – Elvis Found Alive (MVD Audio) :: If there’s one thing I like to hear done right—mainly because it’s nigh-on impossible to do right—it’s an exceptionally executed flim flam scam of a sham that transcends your typical garden variety put on of a con.

And I’m not talking about some kind of officially approved parody like Stan Freeberg’s Jack Webb-sanctioned “St. George And The Dragonet” satire or a “Weird” Al Yankovic squeeze box subterfuge, I’m talking about something that actually purports to be something else; a Grade A artifice that would do Sgt. Bilko proud.

You know, like the Masked Marauders really being Dylan and the Stones; or Klaatu really being the Beatles; or Orion really being Elvis. Those great pretenders may have fooled a few people for five minutes, but I’m here to tell ya that this ain’t no fake Elvis Presley pastiche, no suh. Son, this is the real TCB deal.

That said, this album wasn’t actually recorded by The King; it was waxed by former Nixon-appointed FBI Drug Enforcement Agency special agent “Jon Burrows” who, until recently, was living incognito in suburban seclusion within a DEA witness protection program—you Memphis Mafia members know what I’m talkin’ about, don’tcha?

Elvi–er, “Jon Burrows” dives into an eclectic song selection that includes “Every Breath You Take” (by the Police-Sting, geddit?) and “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’” (by a former son in law, geddit?)

The Kin–er, “Jon Burrows” also revisits a number of past hits ranging from the obvious “Heartbreak Hotel” to the obscure “Hawaiian Wedding Song.” And don’t you dare miss the triumphant album-ending “Elvis Is Back” rap which is influenced by Tyler Durden’s “This Is Your Life” single as produced by the Dust Brothers.

So buy it; listen to it; run it through an FBI spectrographic voice analyzer; and see if you don’t agree with me that Elvis Found Alive is the absolute best Elvis Presle–er, “Jon Burrows” album you’ve heard since the ’68 comeback special—which is only fitting since this is a comeback album in its own right.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK – VIDEO DIVISION: Joel Gilbert – Elvis Found Alive (MVD Visual) :: And if you don’t believe me that Elvis Presle–er, “Jon Burrows” recorded this album, then you have to watch this two hour documentary which conclusively proves otherwise.

Joel Gilbert, the rockumentary filmmaker who discovered the lost George Harrison tapes which confirmed that Paul McCartney is dead, now follows up that cinematic exposé by showing the whole world who “Jon Burrows” really is and how he came to be influenced by Captain “Shazam” Marvel—all spoken by the Takin’ Care of Business man himself in his own on-camera words.

And while I don’t know what Joel’s next rock ’n’ roll revelation will be, here’s hoping he’ll uncover the arcane secret behind Bob Dylan’s mysterious 1966 motorcycle accident! What’s that? He already did?

Be seeing you!

299 COLUMNS LATER IT’S JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #300!

Poly Styrene – 1957-2011 (R.I.P.) :: Even if the only song that Marianne Joan Elliott-Said had ever recorded was 1977’s epochal inaugural sax-soaked X-Ray Spex single “Oh Bondage Up Yours!” it still would’ve been enough to cement her position as one of rock’s most engaging female vocalists; luckily, there was more where that came from.

And now, a word from our sponsor:

Hello, I’m Jeffrey Morgan, founder of the international humanitarian aid organization Rock Critics Without Borders.

When I created RCWB at the dawn of rock ’n’ roll back in 1954, one of my primary goals was to spread the literal word of rock music around the world through the expert applied use of informed rock criticism. For over fifty years my missionaries have traversed the far-flung corners of the globe and converted millions of ignorant savages to this enlightened cause. Thanks to my pioneering work in this field, thousands of government departments have been created over the past half century which do just that—and a whole lot more.

Some of these officially sanctioned RCWB affiliated agencies include: Plotzen Roll (Israel); Her Majesty’s Official Ministry of Popular Music (England); Heil Rockenplatz (Germany); Rockit Unit (USSR); Rock ’n’ Roll Canada (People’s Republic of Canuckistan); and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Sex, Drugs and Rock ’n’ Roll (USA).

Under my direct leadership, the research and development wings of these departments have been responsible for creating the most exciting innovations in the history of rock ’n’ roll.

In the 1950s, in partnership with Tip Top Tailors, I introduced the tradition of rock musicians wearing suits and ties on stage so wary parents would feel more at ease with this new form of entertainment.

Then in the 1960s, I teamed up with Consolidated Edison to develop the powerful electrical infrastructure needed to provide terawatts of clean renewable energy to every major outdoor peace and love festival from Altamont to Medicine Ball Caravan.

And in the 1970s, I joined forces with the elite scientists of Dow Chemical to invent the weapons-grade pyrotechnics which made the theatrical rock era possible.

Yes, Rock Critics Without Borders has been there every decibel of the way but we’re not finished yet. I’ve just signed a memo of understanding with Weyland-Yutani and the Union Aerospace Corporation to expand my ministry off world to other planets. If there’s life on Mars, you can bet that I’ll find it and convert it.

The first sixty years have been great, but I guarantee that the best is yet to come. You have my word on it because my name is Jeffrey Morgan—and I am rock ’n’ roll.

Be seeing you!

I’M SEARCHING FOR MY JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #299!

JC Brooks & The Uptown Sound – Want More (Bloodshot) :: Look, that album title may be rhetorical but my answer is an unabashed YES because this is the down ’n’ dirty album of unsifted grit that the Rolling Stones were trying to make when they recorded Black And Blue fuelled by Wonder Bread instead of Natty Dread. I’m tellin’ ya, this soulful excursion of funky delicacies is the hottest hip-shaker you’ll hear this side of vintage James Brown. I didn’t think they made groovalicious records like this anymore but, boy howdy, this is one time I’m glad I’m wrong because JC is the new JB with power to spare. Bonus points for mainlining one of the best smack songs I’ve ever heard and then having the additional brainpan smarts to call it “Sister Ray Charles.”

Sacred Balance – Sacred Balance (self released) :: I’m not kidding, the drums on the first track are so brutally bludgeoning they sound like they were helmed by John Bonham fresh from recording Physical Graffiti. Then, luckily for my heart, things settle down after that into a more reasonable groove, fronted by the ever impressive Chloe Charles—no relation to Sister Ray—whose expressive vocals, as always, are gracefully ethereal and worth the price of admission alone.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Diodes – Action/Reaction (Bongo Beat) :: Just when you thought that there’s nothing new or notable to listen to these days, along comes this innovative quartet of fresh-faced modern day swingsters who are aesthetically savvy enough to harmoniously fuse the best of today’s anarchic proto-punk bands with the kind of infectious new wave pop musik that’ll easily infiltrate your brain and super-saturate your senses!

Now normally this is the part of the review where I’d compare these four cool cats to someone else so you’ll know what to expect, but The Diodes are so gosh-darned original that it’s nigh-on impossible for me to do so!

First and foremost, guitarist John Catto has an uncanny aptitude for being able to write the prototypical three minute pop song at a moment’s notice! Toe tapping tunes like “Rock It” and “That Was The Way It Was” are primo primed note-perfect examples of what I’m talking about—and that goes double for the title track! But it’s the radio friendly first single “Catwalker” that’s destined to propel The Diodes up to the toppermost of the poppermost and keep them there!

Then there’s singer Paul Robinson, who delivers the lyrics with a dynamic double-tracked drawling diction which draws on a rarely used mid-Western aesthetic that’s additionally overtly European but never obviously so!

That leaves the anchoring rhythm section of bass boss Ian Mackay and skin stroker Mike Lengyell to make sure that the exuberant heavier than heavy proceedings keep from soaring up into the supersonic stratosphere!

I predict great things for The Diodes because Action/Reaction proves that they’re years—if not century-spanning decades—ahead of their time!

Be seeing you!

MAMMY! DON’T YOU KNOW JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #298!

David Lee Roth – A Little Ain’t Enough (Warner Bros.) :: But seriously, this is the greatest Van Halen album that the original line-up never stayed sober long enough to record so you’d better believe that their new one had best come close to being as good as this grievously over-looked melodic hard rock masterpiece is. Bonus points for appearing not once, but twice, in period costume blackface on the inner sleeve’s ersatz 1880s daguerreotypes. Points deducted for not having the diamonds to use said portraits as the front and back cover photos.

Chickenfoot – Chickenfoot & Chickenfoot III (E1) :: How come Michael Anthony and Sammy Hagar didn’t invite Gary Cherone to these exhalin’ alumni albums?

Van Halen – Van Halen III (Warner Bros.) :: Oh, right.

Tyler Bryant & The Shakedown – From The Sandcastle (self released) :: You may recall me telling you about how this young ’un almost smoked Jeff Beck off the stage at Massey Hall last year. Well, this seven track record of his ain’t no different in that it expertly grafts destorto eletrobooze with an unbridled youthful enthusiasm that’ll have you rocking out like all get out while your irate neighbors pound the wall with a broom so’s you’ll shut it down all pronto like but don’t you listen to ’em. Besides, if you play this one as loud I do, you won’t be able to hear them anyway anyhow anywhere.

Rockpile – Live At Montreux 1980 (Eagle) :: These sweet sixteen trax on wax feature Nick Lowe and Dave Edmunds playing just about everything that you’d wanna hear from “So It Goes” and “I Knew The Bride” to “Crawling From The Wreckage” and “I Hear You Knocking.” Bonus points for covering Duke Ellington’s “Take The A Train.” Just kidding; whaddya think this is anyway, a jazz festival or something?

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Elliott Brood – Days Into Years (Paper Bag) :: So even before I get the chance to slap this guy’s record on the old Victrola, I see him on the telly lookin’ vaguely like a latter-day Jim Morrison what with the long hair and the beard and all and he’s strummin’ away on an acoustic singin’ his songs and I’m thinkin’ to myself: this guy don’t need my help.

But just in case he does, I’d better tell ya that this ten tracker contains electric gitboxes battlin’ with banjos for sonic supremacy while the singin’ songwriter serves up a McCartney-esque mélange of melodic pop songs that echo the marryin’ man at his most heartfelt sincere (“Lines”) and most hellaciously searing (“Hold You”). However, even that ace aural analogy won’t prepare you for “My Mother’s Side” which sounds like Dylan fronting Led Zeppelin at Newport in 1965—only better.

Bob Dylan – The Original Mono Recordings ($ony) :: Anything to make a buck, huh? At least with Miles Davis, the ghoulish graverobbers at $ony had the common decency to wait until Miles was dead.

Be seeing you!

HICKORY DICKORY JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #297!

Andrew Dice Clay – Dice Rules: Live At Madison Square Garden (Vestron Video) :: Boy, what a difference two decades can make, huh? Vestron Video isn’t around anymore and, for the most part, neither is Dice. But this concert film from 1990 shows why he’s still the only comedian to sell out Madison Square Garden two nights in a row—and get a standing ovation, before he even says a word, just by shrugging his shoulder and lighting a cigarette. Hey wussa madder you can’t take a joke oh!

David Lee Roth – DLR Band (Wawazat!) :: Boy, what a difference a decade and a half can make, huh? Wawazat! Records isn’t around anymore and, for the most part, neither is Roth. But this...

Van Halen – A Different Kind Of Truth (Interscope) :: ...never mind.

Various Artists – Insomniac’s Electric Daisy Carnival Experience (Ultra DVD) :: This trippy two hour documentary by Kevin Kerslake contains music and performances by Underworld, Chemical Brothers, ReSeT!, N*E*R*D, Kid Cudi, Daft Punk, Will.I.Am, Travis Barker X A-Trak, Swedish House Mafia, Steve Aoki, Simian Mobile Disco, Mstrkrft, Moby, Laidback Luke, Kaskade, Fedde Le Grand, DJ AM, Deadmau5, David Guetta, Boys Noize, Benny Benassi, Afrojack, Above & Beyond, 112th Planet and a whole host of other spell-check challenged band names that may or may not mean anything to you but sure help to jack up my word count so I don’t have to type as much original content this week as I did last—which is a laugh and a half considering that last week’s column was nothing but a cut and paste job culled from ten of my 2011 columns.

But since I still have a long way to go to meet my weekly quota even after that exhaustive run-on paragraph, it behooves me to tell ya that this must see celebration of life is the best audio-visual exhibition yet of how endemic rave culture has become, from the brain bleachin’ beats to the far-flung fashions to the theatrical choreographed concepts.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Dex Romweber Duo – Is That You In The Blue? (Bloodshot) :: Given Dex’s depressionist “Vincent Van Gone” painting on the front and his baleful Victorian gaze on the back, you’d be excused for thinking that this was some kinda downer disc on the inside—but the twangin’ saxabilly rave up that opens this album immediately puts a steel-capped boot to that theory. Armed with a hypnotic voice that sounds like a monster mash-up between Iggy “Frankenstooge” Pop and Belá “Lounge Lizard” Lugosi, this here Dexter dexterously dishes out an imaginary Lo-Fi soundtrack to a lost Rodriguez and Tarantino double creature feature that the Cramps never got to score. Bonus points for the Enoesque “Kitchen Utensils” percussion credit given to skin smasher Sara; and for waxing a cover of Billy Boy Arnold’s “I Wish You Would” that actually gives Bowie’s version on Pinups a run for its money in the sonic corrosion department.

Be seeing you!

HAPPY NEW JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #296!

Here, in random order, is my 2011 Top Ten list of records, as they appear on my official ballot for this year’s annual Village Voice Pazz & Jop critics’ poll, which I’ve been voting in since 1939. Well, it sure seems like it.

JEFFREY MORGAN’S TOP TEN RECORDS OF 2011:

01. Andy Creeggan – Andiwork III (Bongo Beat) :: This wonderfully weird and wonky record is one of the most creatively inventive instrumental musical albums to come down the pike since Columbia released the avant garde album Peanuts: The Incomparable Comic Strip Comes To Life in 1962—and that’s definitely saying something you blockhead!

02. Daniel Jamieson’s Danjam Orchestra – Sudden Appearance (OA2) :: From the frantic ten minute rain-soaked noir bop of “Alone Together” to the hepper than hip twelve minute title track to the sensitive and sensuously smooth take given the Charlie Chaplin standard “Smile,” this is one album that’ll be in heavy rotation on your turntable for weeks.

03. Hot Club Of Cowtown – What Makes Bob Holler: A Tribute To Bob Wills And His Texas Playboys (Proper) :: Wherein this Hot Clubbin’ trio document their affection for the King Of Western Swing and each one of these fourteen tracks will transport you back to the much simpler days when all manner of swing was king and country swing in particular ruled the roost.

04. T-Model Ford and GravelRoad – Taledragger (Alive) :: T-Model Ford is this gravelly voiced gazillion-year-old bluesman who’s got more hot spunk loaded in the little finger of his left hand than you’ve got in your entire spuzzy wang dang doodle—and that goes double for alla youse loose wimmens; triple for alla youse tight ones. Believe you me, this is the authentic blooze sound that Jimmy Page sold his sordid soul to snatch, but never managed to snare.

05. James Lee Stanley and Cliff Eberhardt – All Wood And Doors (MVD Audio) :: C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon now; trust me, Babe: can’t you see that I am not afraid to say that this tastefully acoustic guitar session is nothing less than a bluesy stripped-down symposium that showcases how truly timeless The Doors’ greatest hits really are? Bonus points for being accompanied by erstwhile Doors members Robbie Krieger and John Densmore; plus previous Monkee Peter Tork. Hey hey, they’re the Doorkees!

06. Ben Waters – Boogie 4 Stu: A Tribute To Ian Stewart (Eagle) :: This tribute to the Rolling Stones’ late lamented co-founder and ace ivory tickler is not only a more than worthy heartfelt tip of the hat to the man, it’s an exemplary exercise in the kind of countrified boogie blues rock that Stu excelled in playing all his life. And keyboardist Waters, who used to play with Stewart, even managed to reunite the perfect group of musicians to help him record his rockin’ requiem: the aforesaid Stones themselves.

07. Levin Torn White – Levin Torn White (Lazy Bones) :: These three wise men take everything that you thought you knew about heavy industrial progressive rock and transmute it from traditional fusion into a new element of audio contusion that you won’t find on any heavy metal periodical table. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard how the spasm-inducing slaw firm of Levin Torn & White effortlessly commands this volatile new source of aural energy that kids a quarter of their age only wish they could corral.

08. Kate Reid – Doing It For The Chicks (self released) :: Living up to the title of her debut album I’m Just Getting Started, this brazen hussy now has the nerve to actually use her latest tell-all album as a recruitment tool to conscript innocent sweet young things into her service, as evidenced by her oral offer on the title track wherein she actually admits: “I’m merely on a divine plan to convert you all to the dark side of the bedroom!”

09. Carl Dixon – Lucky Dog (DD) :: “Lucky” ain’t the word to describe a guy who got seriously smearcased in a horrific head-on collision only to improbably survive and then ambitiously thrive, but it’s one heckuva good start. You can take it from me when I tell ya that Lucky Dog is a classic rock fan’s delight because it sounds just like it was recorded back in the halcyonic ’70s.

10. Done On Bradstreet – Done On Bradstreet (self released) :: This butane barn-burner was recorded in 1970, released in 2011, and well worth the 41 year wait. Anchored by the authentic hallmark sound of the late ’60s, it’s a vital energizing example of classic rock at its finest that’ll jack you back to the days when bands like Steppenwolf and Lighthouse ruled the royal roost.

Be seeing you!