JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #430.32!

VCR – VCR (Side One Dummy) :: Casio camp music so homofied it makes Xiu Xiu sound like Ted Nugent.

Michael Parks – ...Then Came Bronson (NBC) :: Isn’t it about time that Michael Parks’ 1969 Zen motorcycle series finally came out on DVD?

Treiops Treyfid – Feelings Of Unreality (Postfact) :: My feeling is that ‘unreality’ is putting it mildly. Still, this eclectic album does contain “Rolling Blackout” which is one of the best songs Unca Lou never recorded for Loaded.

The Factory Incident – Red Tape (Postfact) :: The singer sounds like a flattened cross between monotonic John Lydon and histrionic David Bowie after being plugged by Valerie Solanis. But that just gives these jangling rockers an authentic punk patina.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Muggs – The Muggs (Times Beach) :: Motorcityrocks.com, with typical retarded teenage diction, says these guys “rawwwk.” Ann Arbor Paper, with typical gushing fanboy sycophancy, says “Danny Methric is Detroit’s Angus Young.” Of course, they’re both wrong. What we really have here is Michigan’s own Methricphetamine version of ZZ Top with all of the bulwark bluster and none of the stylistic subtleties. Their suspended animation brand of ’70s arena rock boogie may have seen them slotted in as a high noon opener for Ted and Aerosmith at California Jam, but I doubt it.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #429.31!

The Raveonettes – Pretty In Black (Columbia) :: They’re just like the Lords Of Acid only without the acid.

Hanin Elias – Future Noir (Cochon) :: The female Gary Numan makes a techno Nico record. Who will love Alanis Sane?

Spitalfield – Stop Doing Bad Things (Victory) :: Stop making bad albums.

Mem Shannon – I’m From Phunkville (Last Load) :: Ah’m frum Missoura, an’ dis heah silky smood funk elpee sho’nuff dun showed me, yass’um!

Doug Sahm – The Return Of The Formerly Brothers (Stony Plain) :: Sir Douglas serves up a steamin’ slice of Cajun swamp-wop with a side order of early Chicano honky-tonk Tex-Mex rock ’n’ roll. Would you like some Canuckistan country boogie with that?

The Curtains – Vehicles Of Travel (Frenetic) :: Skillfully scattershot, ethereal and ambient, these charming childhood chakras will have your head driftfully grazing the ceiling.

Andy Stochansky – 100 (Interscope) :: Andy’s an amped-up Elliott Murphy for the 21st century with songs that are just as good and a heart that’s just as big.

The Deadly – The Wolves Are Here Again (Pluto) :: Bone-pulverizing Jimmy Page guitar riffs. Slaughterhouse screamo Tom Verlaine vocals. What’s not to like?

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Valley Arena – Take Comfort In Strangers (Astro Magnetics) :: The chunky guitars and punky vocals are reason enough to stick around, but it’s the unexpected John Bonham power drumming by Carlos de la Garza that keeps this train from derailing.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #428.30!

Super Heavy Goat Ass – 60,000 Years (Arc Light) :: Darn fine no-nonsense fuzztone blues rock from the Lone Star State that’ll never get the extensive cross-country breakout FM airplay it rightfully deserves because of their self-defeating career-limiting band name.

Serena Ryder – Unlikely Emergency (Isadora) :: She’s got a dynamic show-stopping voice that squirts personality by the bucketful every time she opens her mouth, but her stalled soporific songs would make even Speedy Gonzalez siesta. So ditch the dreary diva dirges and find yourself a real rock ’n’ roll band that can play in 4/4 time and tow you out of the middle of the road.

Justin Rutledge – No Never Alone (Six Shooter) :: Because the lyric “too sober to sleep too drunk to cry” is the hanky-honkin’ tonk of the week, Kleenex stock is up $3.00 at the closing bell.

Ian Tyson – Songs From The Gravel Road (Stony Plain) :: You don’t have to have lived in a farmhouse on the vast ambient Canadian plains under starry skies to fully appreciate what Ian is singing about on this touching heartfelt country album. But there are worse ways to live and certainly worse albums to listen to.

Mariah Carey – The Emancipation Of Mimi (MonarC) :: This being one of them.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Jay Giles – Jay Giles Plays Jazz! (Francesca) :: From Charlie Watts to Randy Bachman, the rock ’n’ roll morgue is littered with many a mangled corpse on a slab that unwisely decided to unleash its inner jazzbo. And while this isn’t exactly Charlie Christian and Benny Goodman doing “Seven Come Eleven,” former Lester Bangs sideman J. Giles has come close to cloning that classic ’30s vamp sound.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #427.29!

Doctor Who – Doctor Who (BBC) :: Luckily, the cracked actor who played the new ninth Doctor as an arrogant, self-righteous twit quit after only one season because he was afraid of being typecast, if you can believe such twaddle. So, until the adventures of Time Lord No. 10 reach North America later this year, there’s no denying that the definitive Doctor is still Tom Baker.

Mob Stereo – Too Young To Go Steady (Dollar Record) :: Not only do these singles going steady have their Ramones 101 song structure down pat, they also have a wasted chanteuse (that’s good) who’s mixed too far down in the background (that’s bad).

Caribou – The Milk Of Human Kindness (Domino) :: This ethereal entry stands at the quirky crossroads between Cluster and Terry Riley. Bonus points for naming their band after an old Elton John album.

Backyard Babies – Tinnitus (Liquor and Poker) :: Too disciplined to be the new Dolls and too plodding to be the new Pistols, these boozetown brats run out of steam after the first two tracks. But what a rip-roarin’ way to go!

The Locust – Safety Second, Body Last (Ipecac) :: The world’s first screamo opera includes forensic music like “New Tongue Sweepstakes” and “Hairy Mouth.” Showbiz bible Spice Of Life tags David Cronenberg to direct the movie version.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Timelords & The KLF – Doctorin’ The Tardis (TVT) :: By expertly combining the late Ron Grainer’s immortal Doctor Who theme with Gary Glitter’s “Rock ’n’ Roll”—replete with Tardis teleportation roar and exterminating Dalek dialogue—this innovative eight-minute single from 1991 is the prescient precursor to every mash mix that exists today.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #426.28!

Carl Stalling – The Carl Stalling Project (Warner Bros.) :: Two, I say, two volumes of the greatest animated film music ever heard in the history of the human eardrum!

The Dan Band – The Dan Band (Side One Dummy) :: Even Bowie at his cokehead best didn’t dare cover “I Am Woman” on David Live. But if Dan’s live romp is any indication, maybe he should’ve. Any of this gettin’ through to ya, son?

Chuck Jones – Chuck Amuck (Farrar Straus Giroux) :: This good-natured glimpse behind the scenes at Termite Terrace by one of the world’s greatest directors is more fun than an Illudium Pew 36 Explosive Space Modulator. Pay attention, boy! I’m cuttin’, but you ain’t bleedin’!

A Change Of Pace – An Offer You Can’t Refuse (Immortal) :: No it’s not, and yes I can. Nice boy, but he’s built a little too low to the ground!

Over It – Silverstrand (Lobster) :: Oh, so you three guys actually like having a bland singer without a shred of personality in his voice? Well, that explains everything. You’ve gotta keep your eye on the ball, son!

Rush – Rush (Moon) :: Don’t laugh. Xeroxed bands like the previous two could learn a lot from songs like “Finding My Way” and “In The Mood.” Eye!

Full White Drag – Everything Will Fall One Night (Inter-Flight) :: So could Canada’s plodding answer to the Stranglers. Ball!

Mel Blanc – That’s Not All Folks! (Warner Books) :: This delightful memoir covers everything from Mel’s “Cu...camonga” days on The Jack Benny Show to his heavyweight reign as Looney Tunes’ voice man supreme. Eyeball!

SIZZLING CLAGHORN OF THE WEEK: I almost has a column there, son! Joke, that is.

Uh-b’uh, uh-b’uh, uh-be seeing you!  

JEFFREY MORGAN’S ROCK ’N’ ROLL PHOTOGRAPHS

While you’re visiting, don’t forget to view the dozens of essential selections from my vast archive of hundreds of extremely rare and previously unseen rock ’n’ roll photographs from the 1970s and 1980s—all of which were taken by myself from my front row center seat at various venerable venues; vintage historical portraits which include the following rock stars caught in their youthful prime:

David Bowie (1976 Station To Station tour) :: Lou Reed (1974 Sally Can’t Dance tour) :: Iggy Pop (1977 The Idiot tour) :: Bob Dylan (1978 Street Legal tour) :: George Harrison (1974 Dark Horse tour) :: Paul McCartney (1976 Wings Over America tour) :: Pete Townshend (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Johnny Winter (1976 Captured Live! tour) :: Jeff Beck (1975 Blow By Blow tour) :: KISS (1977 Love Gun tour) :: Alice Cooper (1975 Welcome To My Nightmare tour) :: Freddie Mercury (1977 News Of The World tour) :: Amanda Lear (1975 Sweet Revenge tour) :: Rod Stewart (1977 Foot Loose & Fancy Free tour) :: Mick Jagger (1975 It’s Only Rock ’n Roll tour) :: New York Dolls (1975 Tokyo Dolls Live tour) :: Keith Richards (1975 It’s Only Rock ’n Roll tour) :: Ian Hunter (1989 YUI Orta tour) :: Elton John (1974 Caribou tour) :: Mick Ronson (1989 YUI Orta tour) :: Steven Tyler (1977 Draw The Line tour) :: Sparks (1975 Indiscreet tour) :: James Brown (1986 Gravity tour) :: Miles Davis (1985 You’re Under Arrest tour) :: Roger Daltrey (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Bruce Springsteen & Clarence Clemons (1975 Born To Run tour) :: John Entwistle (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: Keith Moon (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: The Who (1976 The Who By Numbers tour) :: and more!

Ask any dealer and he’ll tell you that the best way to get someone hooked on your product is to give them a free sample, so here’s just a small taste of what’s coming your way when you click on the eleven gallery links to your left:

 JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #425.27!

Jennifer Gentile - Valende (Sub Pop) :: If I were the guy who recorded this dire disc of dissipated diarrhea, I'd hide behind a girl's name, too. 

Gliss - Halfway Gone (Mountain Lo-Fi) :: On the first track he tries to kick like a mule. Then he perverts to form and dresses like a queen, it's a real schlemiel deal. 

Ivy - In The Clear (Nettwerk) :: For good Portishead call Ivy. 

Anton Barbeau With The Bevis Frond - King Of Missouri (Bongo Beat) :: Had Elvis Costello actually been a '70s punk rocker, he just might've recorded this loose and vibrant affair that's part wordy Dylan and part nasally Lennon. 

Rockethouse - Weapons Of Mass Distortion (Kanine) :: Funky fuzztone music that'll have you cage-shakin' in your white go-go boots. 

Forever Changed - The Need To Feel Alive (Floodgate) :: Every time I see a back cover photo of four short-haired kids in T-shirts I cringe because they all invariably sound the same: lame. Remember what I said about bands that are deficient in the personality department? Well, you can add these guys to the list. 

Yellow Second - Altitude (Floodgate) :: What, another back cover photo of four short-haired kids in t-shirts who sound lamer than lame? Better add these guys to the list, too. 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Mardo - Mardo (House Of Restitution) :: They oughtta give away a free farm-size box of Kleenex with every copy sold because this is one helluva snotty album whose snooty snout attitude drips straight out of the Punky Meadows Lip Farm. Even Binky knows that Mardo's a retro-retardo smash up of everything from Love It To Death and Dressed To Kill to Cheap Trick. 

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #424.25!

Sparks - Kimono My House (Island) :: Geddit?

SIZZLING PARTY PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Rosemary Clooney - "Come On-A My House" (Columbia) :: Who invited all these people?

KISS - "Rock And Roll All Nite" (Casablanca) :: Oh, man, that'll never wash out!

Quiet Riot - "Cum On Feel The Noize" (Pasha) :: Keep it down before the neighbors complain!

Andrew WK - "Party Hard" (Mercury) :: C'mon, let's use this empty bedroom!

Slade - "How D'You Ride?" (Polydor) :: Who parked on the lawn?

Elton John - "Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting" (MCA) :: Guys, guys, take it outside!

Elvis Costello - The Delivery Man (Lost Highway) :: Pizza's here! Who's got the money?

Lou Reed - "The Power Of Positive Drinking" (Arista) :: I think I can jimmy the lock on this liquor cabinet!

John Entwistle - "Whiskey Man" (Decca) :: Got it!

Faces - Five Guys Walk Into A Bar... (Warner Bros.) :: Hey, while you're up!

The B-52's - "Party Out Of Bounds" (Reprise) :: The beer bottles in the freezer exploded!

The Who - "However Much I Booze" (MCA) :: Where's the keg?

Kim Mitchell - "I Am A Wild Party" (Anthem) :: Where's the can, I gotta go water my horse!

Johnny Winter - "Too Much Seconal" (Columbia) :: Dude, you look peaked!

Blood, Sweat & Tears - "And When I Die" (Columbia) :: Dude?

Rick Derringer - "Still Alive And Well" (Epic) :: Dude, that was close!

The Irish Rovers - "Wasn't That A Party?" (Epic) :: Cold pizza and beer, breakfast of champions!

Johnny Cash - "Sunday Morning Coming Down" (Columbia) :: Keep those drapes closed! And don't slam the door when you leave!

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #423.24!

John Cale & Lou Reed - Songs For Drella (Sire) :: Everything they've done separately, no matter how good, is mere artifice compared to this sincere, monumental work of art. When's the last time you listened to it?

The Sharp Ease - Going Modern (olFactory) :: Meanwhile, if Cale and Lene Lovich had sired quadruplet daughters 25 years ago, those four femmes would've grown up to record this smart 'n' sassy pop album.

Tara Angell - Down And Out: The Come Down EP (Rykodisc) :: Hide the razorblades because if ever a record lived up to its title, it's this one. This dour dish makes Marianne Faithfull sound like Toni Basil cranked to the gills on a helium speedball.

Josh Rouse - Nashville (Rykodisc) :: Maybe the Ryman Auditorium isn't ready for a guy who sings lyrics like: "Later on, after the show, we can go to your room, I can try on your clothes."

Johnny Cash - "A Boy Named Sue" (Columbia) :: Then again, maybe it is.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Devlins - Waves (Nettwerk) :: Having survived the trauma of Chas being killed by Harry Flowers, the two remaining brothers buck up and record this fine album. I like that, turn it up.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #422.23!

Dave Cooper - Underbelly: Additional Observations On The Beauty / Ugliness Of Mostly Pillowy Girls (Fantagraphics Books) :: This coffee table art book contains erotically singed paintings of large ravenously mandibled women who have the bug-eyed visages of Sandy Dennis in leering lolling heat. Roll over Bill Ward, and tell Robert Crumb the news. 

Dandi Wind - Bait The Traps (Bongo Beat) :: Lene Lovich + Iggy Stooge + Nina Hagen + Eno + Diamanda Galás + Kraftwerk = Crazy, man, crazy! 

Aselin Debison - Bigger Than Me (Epic) :: Bland on bland. 

Audra Kubat - Since I Fell In Love With The Music (Times Beach) :: Audra has the delicate demeanor of a sparrow, coupled with a heartfelt emotive voice and superior songwriting skills. She's the new Joni Mitchell, only a whole lot better. 

The Static Age - Neon Nights Electric Lives (Tarantulas) :: "Ghosts" has a propulsive jangling that's somewhat reminiscent of the Banshees but, more often than not, this intelligent quartet has a suave sound that's nothing less than the debonair second coming of Ultravoxy Music. 

Femme Fatale - From The Abundance Of The Heart, The Mouth Speaks (Last Gang) :: King, it's Shellac vs. the Beastie Boys in a last-band-standing, elimination chamber, hell-in-a-cell, grudge match. 

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE MONTH: Mommy And Daddy - Fighting Style Killer Panda (Kanine) :: Here's a delightfully kooky EP that features a nutty sonic mélange of blipping Casio keys, pounding Roland drum machines, heavy metal guitars and snatch-snarling female vocals. This New York duo is being portrayed as "a married couple who play stripped-down, avant garde, primitive, post-punk, lo-fi, electropop retro rock." Which is one way of describing them, I suppose. Here's another: They're outta their heads. 

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #421.22!

Black Maria – Lead Us to Reason (Victory) :: Never place an ad that says: Lead Singer Wanted, Personality Not Required.

Armor For Sleep – What To Do When You Are Dead (Equal Vision) :: Never answer an ad that says: Lead Singer With No Personality Looking For Band.

Kaddisfly – Buy Our Intention (Hopeless) :: Well, that’s three for three.

Faces – Ooh-La-La (Warner Bros.) :: Personality!

The Everyothers – The Everyothers (Hautlab) :: Personality!

David Bowie – Pinups (RCA) :: Personality!

Mott The Hoople – Mott (Columbia) :: Personality!

Lene Lovich – Stateless (Stiff) :: Personality!

David Lee Roth – Sonrisa Salvaje (Warner Bros.) :: Personality!

The Stooges – Fun House (Elektra) :: Personality!

Alice Cooper – Killer (Warner Bros.) :: Personality!

Leon Russell – Leon Russell (Shelter) :: Personality!

Slade – Slayed? (Polydor) :: Personality!

Elvis Costello – Armed Forces (Columbia) :: Personality!

Bob Marley – Live (Island) :: Personality!

Ted Nugent & The Amboy Dukes – Survival Of The Fittest (Polydor) :: What, are you kidding?

Robert Palmer – Sneakin’ Sally Through The Alley (Island) :: Personality!

Aerosmith – Rocks (Columbia) :: Personality!

Sparks – Propaganda (Island) :: Personality!

Roxy Music – Country Life (Atco) :: Personality!

Nico – Desertshore (Reprise) :: Personality!

John Cale – Fear (Island) :: Personality!

The Diodes – Tired of Waking Up Tired (Epic) :: Personality!

T. Rex – The Slider (Reprise) :: Personality!

Grand Funk – Grand Funk (Capitol) :: Personality!

Be Bop Deluxe – Modern Music (Harvest) :: Personality!

Pete Townshend – Who Came First (Decca) :: Personality!

New York Dolls – New York Dolls (Mercury) :: Personality Crisis!

SIZZLING PLATTERS OF THE WEEK: All of the above, minus the first three. Thus endeth the lesson.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #420.21!

Ray Wylie Hubbard - Delirium Tremolos (Philo/Rounder) :: If you're in the market for a new country blues album, give this instant classic by old mutha Hubbard a shot. Another reason to believe: Faces stalwart Ian "Mac" McLagan works the Hammond B-3 on several tracks.

Neal Schon - i On U (Favored Nations) :: Journey-man Schon rises above the synth backing tracks to craft an instrumental guitar album that's part silky David Gilmour and part psycho Jeff Beck. Too bad he'd rather play with himself than be in a real band, though.

Soul Sirkus - World Play (Soul Sirkus) :: Well whaddya know? Schon upgrades to actual human beings! If you still proudly listen to old Sammy Hagar albums, then this thud's for you.

Burn The 8-Track - The Ocean (Abacus) :: These four guys aren't old enough to remember vinyl, let alone an 8-track. But they are mature enough to make an album that's powerful and passionate.

Liam Titcomb - Liam Titcomb (Columbia) :: Canada's answer to John Mellencamp is a long-haired pretty boy who writes hand-clappin' good-time music including a little ditty called "Get Down" that actually does.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Vanessa Williams - Everlasting Love (Lava) :: Need some '70s make-out music? Then slide in and take this VW for a ride that's so smooth you could cut a diamond in the back seat. My favorite track is the Kraftwerkian "Tuning," which consists of nothing but Vanessa tuning in different radio stations. Really.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #419.20!

Coralie Clement – Bye Bye Beauté (Nettwerk) :: Look, if I want to hear a breathy babe cooing sweet nothings to me in a foreign language, I’ll listen to Lola Dutronic instead, all right?

Lola Dutronic – The World Of Lola Dutronic (Bongo Beat) :: Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. So go out and get these luscious covers of “Walking On Sunshine,” “To Sir With Love,” and “Porpoise Song.”

Loopy – Smile Back Home (Zip) :: This must-have merges all the power of a classic three-chord rock band with the heavenly heartfelt harmonies of Brian Wilson.

Razor Crusade – Infinite Water (Deathwish) :: Hey, sailor, looking for a hot screw of screamotronic vocals and a heavy spew of garage guitars?

Theory Of A Deadman – Gasoline (Roadrunner) :: The singer apes Chris Cornell, but this rent-a-drummer trio does heavy blustery rage that’s right up there with the best of them.

The Living End – Modern ARTillery (Reprise) :: I don’t know much about art, but I know what I don’t like.

Various Artists – Mary Had A Little Amp (Epic) :: It wasn’t just for show. And when she played this disc through it, she said: “This record blows!”

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: DMBQ – The Essential Sounds From The Far East (Estrus!) :: Are you ready for the absolute heaviest rock ’n’ roll album of the week? Hendrix in the East. Reincarnated in Japan. As Godzilla. With a guitar. And a wall of over-cranked amps. Run for your lives!

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN'S MEDIA BLACKOUT #418.19!

Slayer - Still Reigning (American) :: The scariest thing about this live show is how blood-splattered Slayer bassist Tom Araya now looks exactly like blood-spitting KISS bassist Gene Simmons.

Britney Spears - Greatest Hits: My Prerogative (Jive) :: Of course they float, what did you think?

Rod Stewart - Live at the Royal Albert Hall (J) :: When Woody joins in for "Stay With Me" and "Gasoline Alley" you almost find a reason to believe that a Faces reunion would be a good idea. Then you realize how shot the singer's voice is.

Various Artists - Punk Rock Holocaust (Springman) :: Cheesier than a Vivid porno and gorier than the collected works of Lucio Fulci. If all you need is a holocaust to make your day complete, then you'll enjoy watching everyone from the Horrorpops to Andrew WK getting brutally butchered.

 Dead Boys - Live At CBGB 1977 (Music Video Distributors) :: Watching this rare video of Stiv and the Boys is about as close to the experience of being in a '70s punk club as you're likely to get. And I was in enough of them back then to know.

The History Of Iron Maiden - Part One: The Early Years (EMI) :: Five whopping hours of concerts and videos that only cover the years 1980 to 1983. Comprehensive? Yeah, I'd say so.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Bill Hicks - Live (Rykodisc) :: Cleese loves him. Letterman loves him. Leno loves him. Belzer loves him. So why haven't you heard of comedian Bill Hicks before? Because he died in 1994 before you got a chance to. But as these three performances show, he had a deadly delivery that's a cross between goofy sweathog Travolta and manic maniac Kinison.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #417.18!

Canned Hamm – Erotic Thriller (Boompa) :: Flo & Eddie start a synthesizer disco band that’s influenced by A Night At The Roxbury. Really.

The Dears – Protest (Ace Fu) :: Just when I thought that intelligent anti-war protest albums were a thing of the past, along comes this majestically heroic and elegant elegiac mass for the masses to prove me wrong. But that doesn’t mean I agree with them.

Stereotyperider – Prolonging The Inevitable (Suburban Home) :: Sir or Madam, please don’t take a pass on this heavy band that kicks Helmet’s ass.

All Parallels – Formulate A Tragedy (On The Rise) :: Speaking of which: If Page Hamilton’s new women-battering songs have forced you to sell all your old Helmet records, don’t worry because All Parallels are also a far more intelligent substitute.

I-20 – Self Explanatory (Capitol) :: Remember “Bob George” on Prince’s Black Album? Well, here’s the real schlemiel.

Garrison Keillor – A Prairie Home Companion (Rounder) :: Gosh, I miss Mark Russell.

North Mississippi Allstars – Hill Country Revue (ATO) :: Would somebody please mail me a burned copy of Edgar Winter’s Roadwork?

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Oneida – Nice. Splittin’ Peaches. (Ace Fu) :: This eclectic EP of experimental art rock is definitely worth a listen. Clocking in at a very respectable 15 minutes, “Hakuna Matata” is the kind of jaw-dropping backwards drone that La Monte Young and Tony Conrad used to specialize in. “Song Y” on the other hand sounds like the kind of crazy country music that the Who would’ve made had Mike “Wool Hat” Nesmith joined them. Or is that Pete Townshend joining the Monkees? Either way, you can’t lose.

Be seeing you! 

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #416.17!

Raphael Saadiq – As Ray Ray (Pookie) :: Blaxploitation movie parody gets bogged down in an overlong barrage of falsetto ballad clichés.

Sum 41 – Chuck (Island) :: If you kids want me to take your anti-war songs seriously, then don’t destroy your credibility by calling your publishing company Rectum Renovator Music. Yeah, that’s the sign of a mature, informed adult.

K-OS – Joyful Rebellion (Astralwerks) :: Phinally, a rapper who can actually sing hip-pop and isn’t aphraid to mix saxofones and ambient symfonic music with his phat beats.

DOOM 3 (id Software) :: Still can’t afford the upgrade to run Carmack’s new engine? Hey, you can still play Romero’s original DOOM on a 386 with 256 color VGA graphics and only 2 megs of memory!

Roxy Music – Viennalle (Mainstream) :: Recorded in December 1973 during the Stranded tour of Austria, this listenable audience recording contains rare live versions of “Street Life,” “Amazona” and “Psalm.”

Mobb Deep – Amerikaz Nightmare (Jive) :: If these Cube wannabes were half as rich as they pretend to be, they wouldn’t have to pimp lame copycat records like this to make a buck.

Various Artists – Take Action! (Sub City) :: Putting a free copy of a suicide prevention book on this double compilation is an admirable notion, but doesn’t the inclusion of a band called ‘Murder By Death’ send a mixed message?

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Quintron – The Frog Tape (Skin Graft) :: I dunno what’s scarier: a guy in Louisiana spending half an hour recording frog sounds on a cassette while playing a Wurlitzer and laughing into the mic; a record company actually releasing it; or me giving it a Sizzling Platter Of The Week.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #415.16!

The Slackers – Close My Eyes (Hellcat) :: Closed my ears instead.

Loque – So Long (Lava) :: Low key, see ya.

Stroke 9 – All In (Records, Man!) :: Stupid band name. Smart rock album.

No Warning – Suffer, Survive (Machine Shop) :: Fair warning: delete, delight.

The Aeffect – Secrets and Lies (Hitchhiker) :: Gosh, I miss the Human League.

7 Seconds – Take It Back, Take It On, Take It Over! (Side One Dummy) :: Ramones meet Badfinger and carry on bopping till tomorrow.

Court And Spark – Witch Season (Absolutely Kosher) :: The credits list 25 musicians who crafted this smart set of acoustic-based harmonious pop music, including the name of the guy who did the hand claps. Too bad they forgot to name any of the singers.

Kelly Clarkson – Breakaway (RCA) :: If legendary record producer Clive Davis honestly thinks that this puerile pap is what passes for a good female vocalist these days, then he oughtta have his head read.

Janis Joplin – Pearl (Columbia) :: With her dowdy looks and coarse voice, you just know she’d never get signed by fuddy-duddy Davis today.

Moody Bluegrass – A Nashville Tribute To The Moody Blues (Rounder) :: Finally, a banjo and fiddle version of “Nights In White Satin.”

The Trews – House Of Ill Fame (Epic) :: One of 2003’s unmitigated pop masterpieces is back on the racks with a bonus disc of new live tracks including their seismic extrapolation of “Hey Jude.”

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Mark Dignam – Box Heart Man (Times Beach) :: Irish folk singer Dignam starts off his record with a classic George Harrison “Blue Jay Way” drone before abruptly shifting gears down into some of the strongest and most heartfelt pickin’ and singin’ I’ve heard in quite a while.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #414.15!

Valdy – Viva Valdy: Live At Last (Rack-On-Tour) :: The troubadour you can trust who gave us the enduring “Rock ’n’ Roll Song” is back with a double album that’s one side live, one side studio, and both sides wow.

Day Of Infamy – Red Autumn (DOI) :: The Everly Brothers meet Audioslave. Wake up, little snoozie.

Kasabian – Kasabian (RCA) :: Dylan joins the Strawberry Alarm Clock and records a trippy stoner album.

Skindred – Babylon (Lava) :: I’d rather hear Jar Jar Binks babble on than listen to this snore-bore in a grotty dread.

UPO – The Heavy (DRT) :: If the Home Shopping Channel ran a music network for zirconium metal bands, these guys would be No. 1 with a mullet.

Blue Öyster Cult – We’re Cooking For You (MEnu262) :: The Cult contributes recipes to a fan cookbook. I remember when they used to cook in the studio instead.

Dennis DeYoung – The Music of Styx Live With Symphony Orchestra (Grand Illusion) :: And with a donation to PBS of only $150, you’ll get a copy of the new double CD plus the DVD!

Eddie From Ohio – This Is Me (Virginia Soul) :: Literate lyrics, earnest songwriting, honey-flavored female vocals.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: The Beatnuts – Milk Me (Penalty Recordings) :: I was gonna end by warning ya about this sexist cover photo which shows a lissome Nubian goddess reclining in a skimpy lime green bikini while thick creamy white liquid is poured all over her glistening ebony endowments but, wouldn’t ya know it, I’m plumb out of room.

Be seeing you!

JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #413.14!

Diana Degarmo – Blue Skies (RCA) :: And you thought Jewel was stacked.

Mix Master Mike – Bangzilla (Scratch) :: I knew Steinski. Steinski was a friend of mine. Beastie Boy, you’re no Steinski.

Gym Class Heroes – The Papercut EP (Fueled By Ramen) :: I bet Dylan wishes he could write a line like: “She’s the reason for the lesions.”

Matt Sharp – Matt Sharp (Boompa) :: Plaintive music so utterly anguished yet hauntingly beautiful it’s almost too painful to listen to.

Strung Out – Exile In Oblivion (Fat Wreck Chords) :: Lame grunge band called Strung Out begins its record by stealing 20 seconds of Billie Holiday, geddit? Well, don’t get it.

Jakalope – It Dreams (Orange) :: Proof positive that anyone with a Mac can ape NIN and record Jamming With Reznor.

Simple Plan – Not Getting Any (Lava) :: Sure they’re not. That’s why there’s a flier stuck inside that shills the songs on their new album as ring tones at $2.50 a pop.

Jem – Finally Woken (ATO) :: Narcotic and erotic music to read Edward Gorey by.

Lesbians On Ecstasy – Lesbians on Ecstasy (Alien8) :: Today on Maury: Women who love women and the fishy records they make.

Westlife – Allow Us to Be Frank (RCA) :: A pack of real rats could sing better than these four fops.

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Vampire Beach Babes – Beach Blanket Bedlam! (Divine Idustries Inc.) :: By combining the feisty fiesta vocals of the B-52s with the seamy archirony of the Cramps, these fun-loving culture vultures are the kitschiest thing to hit the surf since Eric Von Zipper hung 10.

Be seeing you! 

 
JEFFREY MORGAN’S MEDIA BLACKOUT #412.13!

Marc Bolan & T. Rex – Christmas Bop (T. Rex Wax Company) :: “Summer’s gone and snow’s fallen down. But cold’s bold and there’s nothing wrong.” Amen.

Band Aid – Whaddya Mean They Still Don’t Know It’s Christmas? (Shell Out For UNICEF) :: Start saving your pennies now because there’s only eighteen months left until Live Aid 2015: The 30th Anniversary Con Job.

Jacki-O – Poe Little Rich Girl (TVT) :: If her brain was half as big as the helium balloons she routinely flashes to pimp her tawdry wares, she might know better than to include offensive ethnic impersonations on her album.

Jefferson Airplane – Volunteers (RCA) :: Why is a song about overthrowing the U.S. government now being used in an E*TRADE television commercial? Because, having gotten old, one generation did get sold.

Ethan Daniel Davidson – Better Living Through Creative Selling (Times Beach) :: Hey rube, the next time a woman tells you she’s a terrorist, don’t record an eight-minute song about her. Call the FBI instead.

Trans-Siberian Orchestra – The Lost Christmas Eve (Lava) :: Enjoy complex pseudo-metallic bombast? Then guitarist Paul O’Neill’s latest annual installment of traditional Canon fodder is for you.

Keb Mo – Peace (Epic) :: Mo sings 10 proactive holiday peace anthems from Michigan, including Ted Nugent’s “Stormtroopin’” and Grand Funk’s “Don’t Let ’Em Take Your Gun.”

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK: Slunt – Slunt (Repossession) :: Still pining for the Cycle Sluts From Hell? Well, not only do these bra-bustin’ babes have the requisite heavy hangers needed to get the job done, they also have enough smarts to tackle Romeo Void’s “Never Say Never.” And, unlike Jacki-O, they don’t display their ample charms on the front cover. At least not yet.

Be seeing you!